A smattering

I separated the links on the side for my own benefit. It doesn't mean much, if anything. I'm tempted to put them into some preferential order of my personal enjoyment, but I don't for fear of stirring up jealousy, which would be silly.

I saw Sin City tonight. It made me sad. Stylistically, I thought is was very, very cool. But I thought the content was not so good. I don't want to seem like a prude, but ### and violence always bothers me in movies, but particularly if the point of the movie is just entertainment. (Which is distinguished, in my mind at least, from movies that convey a message or meaning.) (And I recognize that a "message or meaning" can be very subjective.) I guess I'm saying that Sin City looked really cool and would have been cool, had it not been for the coarse themes. I couldn't help but think that this movie would be appreciated by folks who are already on the border of sanity and anti-social behavior. To many people worship darkness in one form or another, and dark movies that celebrate those things just make people worse, not better. In my opinion. Not that this was one of those movies, necessarily. I'm stopping now, because I'm rambling.

The Ghostrunner COme Home show went very well on Friday night. THANK YOU to everyone who came out to see us. (Or The Substitutes)

I've been doing better spiritually. If you know me well enough to consider yourself part of my "team" (see analogies from previous post on discipline), then please ask me if I've been coming to practice. I would very much like to get into the habit of asking people how they have been doing as well.

In terms of a movie that is incredibly violent and horrible but still has incredible merit, I highly recommend The Pianist. It does not glorify or exaggerate violence in any way. I feel it is the most real portrayal of what people can do to other people that I have ever seen. It has human evil and human good in it. I've only seen in once, but I would risk seeing it again if someone wanted to watch it.

SHOW THIS FRIDAY

Ghostrunner Come Home has a show this FRIDAY at 9pm at Donkey Coffee. We'll be playing with The Substitutes. We're the opener, they're the closer. You should come see. It'll be great, in particular because The 'Tutes will have something special planned for April Fool's, I'm sure. And tell your friends.

Discipline thoughts

I haven't read the Bible for about 2 months, maybe more. That doesn't count the few verses that I read out of the little devotional for Lent...which I haven't read for 2 weeks. I'm meaning that I haven't read anything substantial for a long time. It hit me when I was laying in bed last night. I was trying to figure out why I tend to wander back to the same doubts from time to time. Nothing serious--in magnitude anyway, more in content--just questioning the authenticity of Jesus (on Easter?!). Stuff like this comes at me every once in a while, when I've not had much connection with God for an extended period of time. In this case, I'd say it's been half a year, probably longer. My desire to "do the faith disciplines" wanes, and before I know it I'm no longer praying or reading...mostly because I just don't feel like it. I have a tendency to do the dishes at my house the same way: I do them if I feel like it, and don't do them if I don't feel like it. Then, I'm stuck with a sink full of dishes and some bitterness and resentment (towards whom?) as to how they got there. There's a metaphor in there, I just know it. ; )

Anyway, I am having a very hard time being disciplined. I am not a very disciplined person, as a whole. By "disciplined," I mean regimented, structured, habitual, steady and stable. For me, the same pattern of Bible-reading and dish washing applies to physical fitness and friendship maintenance. I really don't want to be this way.

The only times I really remember being disciplined in something (and feeling great about it, in fact) was during HS in cross country and track, and again when I was lifting weights with Adam Z for a year or more a few years ago. In both of these cases, there were other people to whom my participation mattered: not just because they'd miss me if I wasn't there or because I'd miss some lesson they had to teach, but because they couldn't perform to their best if I wasn't there, and I likewise. Adam helped motivate me to get to the gym when I didn't want to go, because even if I just wanted to whine and wimp out, he still needed a lifting partner that was going to push him to his limit. And my teammates needed me to, well, be part of the team and give them my best performance as an individual so that our team scores were as high as they could be. And also to demonstrate to them that how they did was also important to me--to encourage them to do better.

As I type all this, I'm wondering: to whom does it matter whether I pray and read? In my life, is there anyone who even knows how I'm doing, i.e., who notices and checks up on me when I "miss practice" or give my excuse for why I "don't feel like lifting today"? [That's rhetorical] In a practical sense, it doesn't matter enough to God for Him to intervene...at least not in a way that He expresses to me/us the way a friend can call me/us on the phone, and He doesn't need my participation necessarily. It obviously doesn't matter enough to me personally for me to change it--no matter how I try or how bad I feel, I can't seem to establish lasting habits (meaningful or mundane).

It's tempting, much like with dirty dishes, to become bitter and blame other people...or "Christian culture," or "lack of community." But I know that in real, honest truth those aren't the culprits. However, I haven't found any answer in myself either. And that leaves me where I am: with a pile of dirty dishes and an out-of-shape body. Quite capable of doing a hard workout once or twice. More than capable of making the kitchen sink sparkle like new. But incapable of doing these things on a continual basis.

Enunciation and/or pronunciation and/or diction

Take your pick. I don't think I really ever learned the difference.

As you may know, I now work in prevention. That means, I try to prevent things from happening. Specific things, such as the prevention of alcohol, drug, and tobacco use by children. My coworkers all work in prevention as well. As such, the campus upon which our prevention offices are located (the psych hospital building, remember?) will be going completely "tobacco-free" in July. That means smoking won't be allowed anywhere on the property, not even if you go smoke in your car in the parking lot. As such, my workplace is launching a help program to help smokers quit in advance of the prescribed smoking ban.

This is all well and good, except that my boss keeps calling it a "sensation" program. She means, of course, "cessation." But, she keeps talking about the tobacco sensation program. She mentioned the tobacco sensation program several times in staff meeting today, in relation to any smokers who might want to take advantage of the tobacco sensation programs that will soon be offered. Needless to say, talking about any sort of sensation--but particularly an incorrect sort of one--makes it hard for me to keep a straight face in a staff meeting. Particularly when it's a 2-hour-turned-3-hour meeting which could have been a productive one, had the necessary preparations been done outside, rather than inside, the meeting.

Psalm 25

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
    in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
    who are treacherous without excuse.

Make me know your ways, O Lord,
    teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and I wait for you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
    for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
    He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days inprosperity,
    and his decendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
    free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
    and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
    let me not be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

State of the Job Address

Day 8: I still like it. It is very weird to work almost exclusively with women. Mostly young women. It is also weird to work with an almost brand new staff. I hear there are only a few people in DCS (Division of Community Services) who have been there longer than 2 years.

I got a new chair my first day there. Not bad. Won it in the "chair lottery". My old one was easily one of the worst (leaned to the left), so there really was no competition. Also had a potluck lunch my first day.

I am legit as of last week: got my keys and name badge.

I share my office with my SIG (State Initiative Grant) partner, Tanja. She's the coordinator of the grant, I'm the implementer. She is too, but she also coordinates. We have a bathroom in our office. So does everyone else, but that doesn't make it less weird. Our office is in part of a psychiatric hospital, so our offices were originally intended to be patient rooms. The other day I was barred from using our bathroom by my coworker for unknown reasons. It was a girl thing of some sort, I figure, because there were other girls in the room with her and they were obviously "in" on the passing events. I, alas, was not. There was laughter among them.

There is a man who wanders around the hospital downstairs and talks to people who walk by the reception area. He is one of the patients at the hospital. I hear he has become somewhat "affectionate" towards some of the young ladies lately. He also wanted to take my photomosaic of Jedi Master Yoda this morning. (He didn't. It's now hanging in my office.) Other than these incidents, he seems like a decent guy.

Tomorrow I will work a 12 hour shift. The only upsides to this are that we are having another potluck lunch (another retirement lunch--the one last week was for a woman who left working to become a stay-home mom), and that I only have to work 5 hours (possibly less) on Friday.

I'm still trying to figure out policies and protocols. Still haven't received anything formal. Not even a code of conduct. Not entirely true: I can't use alcohol while on the clock because HRS is abstinence-based. That's all I know, other than no jeans or open-toed shoes. In a few months I might start pressing my luck. (With attire, not alcohol.) We'll see.

Had a TB test yesterday. The nurse (a dude) didn't give me a bandaid and I ended up bleeding on my white dress shirt. I got it out, but was a little miffed. He's otherwise a nice guy. I'm supposed to get Hep B vaccines too, but not until I'm an official employee. That is also when the random drug screenings begin.

The goat started yesterday. You won't even notice it for another two weeks.

What the world needs now is another folk singer...

...like I need a hole in my head.

Thanks to all for commenting on the last post. Mayhap I should write for fashion advice more often. In fact, I will. I'm considering growing a gotee, sans moustache. I had one several months ago for a few months, and liked it reasonably well. To anyone who saw me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? To anyone who didn't see me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? I grow a nice ruddy brown beard. Female readers: please be advised that I am aware that there is a general consensus among you that facial hair in any context is undesirable. That said, all con opinions from you will be read with 75% weight, and all pro responses will be read with 125% weight, approx.

In other news, today has been a day of strange feelings. Sometimes the world feels too big, the evil too undefinable, the saturation too encompassing. Not overwhelming, just permeating. An underlying sense of something. I guess I know what it is. It's nice to fight for good, but can any ground actually be won? Is "peace" attainable? I am tired today.

PS: Spiral mac & cheese is the best.

10 Feet Tall

I'm not sure that I've ever felt that feeling before yesterday afternoon. Probably--my memory is horrible. Regardless, I went to an interview at 2pm yesterday and walked out with a job! And a decent job too. When I was thinking of leaving my old job, there were only two jobs in the social services field that I was still interested in doing: desk work or "prevention." And I wasn't even sure that "prevention" existed, but it seemed like the kind of thing that would exist in the sw world. (sw=social work; SW=Star Wars)

Turns out that it does exist, and that I will be doing it for our local drug/alcohol treatment organization. I'll be in charge of running two programs: one in-school program that teaches 4th/5th graders about how to make good choices and not abuse substances, and one with families, teaching them principles of good communication.

I start on Monday. Can anyone give me a solid definition of what "business casual" actually means, in practical terms?

Oddly enough, I just got a call a few minutes ago from the last place I interviewed (the one I was going to turn down regardless), and they wanted me to come in later today to meet the rest of the team. That makes me feel good, because I was starting to think the interview didn't go as well as I had thought after all. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to turn down a job because I already have a job! (And a certain satisfaction in knowing that the two jobs pay the same and have similar benefits, but one will be enjoyable for me and the other might have broken me in half over the long term.)

If you haven't already, check out the previous post/comments about money. That's where all the hot action is. Speak thy mind in full flagrance. And we shalt respect thee more for it.

forget government--what about One World Companies?

Wow. I was perusing the responsibleshopper.com site, just to see what all was on there and to find out for myself how balaced and fair their reporting seemed. I checked out the "compare companies" feature, which is really cool, and checked out the first thing on their list: alcohol producers. Four companies came up. Three of them had very neutral/good reports. Then there was Phillip Morris (rather, Altria, formerly called P.M.). I didn't take the time to read through the list of complaints against the company (the complaints are usually made by consumers and consumer groups) because I was flabberghasted by the incredible number of product brands and companies that P.M./Altria owns. Astounding. There were at least 50 companies. Tons of products. Kraft, Nabisco, Post, Miller, just to name a few recognizable ones.

I forget that giants like this exist. No wonder they can afford to pay for those anti-smoking ads: they make half the crap we buy! Disney had a really bad rep too: I was comparing restaurants earlier. Maybe I'll check out Proctor & Gamble tomorrow.

You should check out the site, if you haven't already. Not that it's the best thing ever, but it is more knowledge than I've had in awhile concerning the behind-the-scenes of the products we buy. And it mentions good things ("praises") about companies too, when they deserve them. For example, Taco Bell is taking initiatives to raise the wage of tomato harvesters in Florida quite substantially. And KFC is coming around to putting pressure on its chicken producers to stop cruelly abusing the animals (after consumer and PETA pressure on KFC). And it reports charitable giving too.

Rearranging the Furniture

Here's a new look. I wasn't tired tonight. I rarely am, yet I sleep until 10am regardless. (Last night I slept for 12 hours, and through my alarm.) The scribey-paper gif is gone forever. But it was coming to that anyway. I like these royalish deep colors.

What is your favorite Bible verse, if you have one? If not, what is your favorite proverb or wise saying? I'll post mine sometime soon.

The show went very well

Yes, it did. My inclination is to always dissect what could have been better about shows, much the same as I do when I cook homemade meals. But this time, because the show was genuinely good, I'm going to intentionally not criticize for the sake of criticism. Oh, to be an optimist.

All in all, the sound and feel of the show were very good. We played well, sounded good, and looked good on stage. Meaning: we looked comfortable and familiar with each other (although we are H-O-T-T as well). [ahem!] I was excited to see so many people there, many of whom were not necessarily there to see us specifically. It's always more impressive to impress someone who is unfamiliar with what you do than those who are more familiar with what you do. But wouldn't we all be hollow without those folks that support us because they know us and appreciate us and what we do? Everyone needs fans.

I was also encouraged because the show has motivated the band (myself included) to really push hard to keep working. We've been slowly but steadily working, and it was good to have a taste of reward for our work. I feel very blessed and thankful to get to play with hard-working, dedicated, and enthusiastic guys who appreciate what these songs are trying to do. (Cheers, fellas, should you read this.)

PS: please check out the previous post about money. I'd really like your thoughts and dialogue on the issue.

It Makes the World Go 'Round

As middle-class Americans, our most powerful message is not with any words spoken or written, but with where we spend our money. We are the richest people in the history of ever--yes we middle class--and if we got it into our heads to do so, I believe we could change the world just by being intentional in how and where we spend our money. How do you think that might work? Do you know any facts or evidence that prove any of this to be true?

Ooooooh Procrastination!

I am supposed to be editing my resume. Again. Instead I am wandering around on your weblogs, faithful readers, disappointed by the lack of new posts. What are you trying to do, force my hand? Ok, ok, I know what's good for me. I'll get to work on it right away.

Nerd Update: I bought two sets of RPG dice and a D&D Player's Handbook (3.0) this past week. Good lord, someone stop me. As an aside, if anyone wants to play with us, I will soon have an extra set of cool dice you can borrow... {: \

Ghostrunner Come Home

Ghostrunner Come Home has a small debut show this Thursday (2/10) at 9:30pm in the Front Room. We are playing as part of a showcase of local musicians. Come check it out. And also check out the band's weblog.
<----There's a link over there.

My nerdiest day to date

Today, I got up late. Then, I went to the bank, which was closing, but I managed to go through the teller window and ask for some coin rolls. Then, I walked to the Red Lantern comic shop and bought a pack of pirate ships. (You and I should play sometime. It's easy and fun.) Then, I went home and counted my accumulated change. I had $64.50 in change. (rolls: 3xquarters; 1xdimes; 9xnickels; manyxpennies) Then, I called Red Lantern and asked how he would feel about my making a purchase with coin rolls. (He was fine with it.) Then, I went to Red Lantern and bought 5 boxes of SW minis with my change and a 15% coupon that I had received in the mail earlier this week. Then, I went to Subway. Then, I went to Tyler's house and played D&D with some other nerds for several hours. Then, I came home and let the dogs out. Then, I made crepes for dinner with Sarah. (It gets progressively less nerdy.) Then, we watched The Birds. Then, I got on this computer machine and typed this and some other things. Now, I am going to bed.

Man, I can't wait until 11 months from now when I have another huge collection of change. And maybe even a job.

The Interview

I was almost late. I got caught up playing guitar. I thought I was leaving myself enough time to change clothes and get there...until I remembered that I wanted to review the resume and cover letter I sent them, just to be sure I told them the same story (I have several tweaks of my resume) as they'd read. So I fired up the computer while I threw a tie in the dryer--I don't wear ties often enough, it seems, because they are all wadded in a squished pile on my closet shelf. As I went to the mirror to tie the now-less-wrinkly tie, I noticed that I had also forgotten to shave. This is the peril of being a person who only shaves once a week, which is the peril of being a person who only had to shave once a week until about 2 years ago, when body hair finally caught up to me. More or less. I still only have one chest hair for every year I've been alive.

Anyway, I dry-shaved. Don't try this at home. Don't try it anywhere, in fact. The only good part was that I didn't bleed as much as I usually do. But good-gravy-in-a-gallon-tourine did my face burn (and still does) even with aftershave.

Made it to the interview on time, had to fill out paperwork anyway, and I think all in all it went well. I met with the woman who would be my supervisor and also with her supervisor. I answered all the questions thoroughly and appropriately, I feel. I could have been more knowledgeable on terms and the like, but I have no experience in the "real" social work field, so that is to be expected.

On my way out of the office I stopped to get a drink from a fountain. I wondered if it worked, because it looked very dry, as if it hasn't been used for a long time. Have you ever been to Epcot, or that hotel in Vegas, where they have those fountains that shoot bolts of water in fancy arcs? Well, that's exactly what this sucker did. About two feet into the air, and straight over the whole get up onto the floor. It was a good time, because they had let me see myself out.

Perhaps the best part of the whole interview process today is that it helped me to decide, without much lingering doubt, that I have no interest at all in pursuing a career in social work. None. It wasn't anything that they said directly, and it certainly isn't working with the people using the services. It was the language with which they described their own jobs and my future responsibilities. Talk of "billable hours", "ISP's", and how much of a pain in the petoot it is to meet "quotas" and the like. Not for me, muchacho.

I should have been wiser in my degree selection. C'est la vie. Anyone know of anywhere I could buy a used business or medical degree? It can be a fixer-upper, I have the time.

Also...

...I have a job interview this Friday. I'm not sure if I want the job, since it's one of very few jobs that could tax me more than my last one did (emotionally, not financially). But, those things can be explored and ironed out in the interview. And I am encouraged just to know that someone read my resume and responded!

Revelation: criticize my fears

I had a moment today. It was one of those momentous moments, the kind that feels like it should have happened ages ago, but is only happening now. I recognized today, for the first time, that much of what I do--or more specifically, what I don't do--is based on a fear of not meeting the (assumed) expectations of others.

I woke up today feeling really crappy. There haven't been new job ads in the paper the past few days, which means I have little to prepare for during the day. Also, I overslept this morning because my alarm clock malfunctioned. All this led to a morning in which I almost didn't get out of bed--no reason to. I was supposed to help a friend remodel his home today too, as he has been working on it all week, but I felt like I didn't have anything to contribute to the effort because he already had several more qualified people helping him.

Other things I "should" have been doing: working on songs so the band actually has some material to play; editing and turning in resumes at spots around town that haven't posted openings; cleaning fish tanks; cleaning up the house. There's probably more.

This morning was one of those rare moments when I was able to see clearly and also be honest with myself. I generally don't work on songs because I am afraid that the other band members, or people at large, won't like them or won't understand what I was trying to do. I don't want to help my friend work on his house because I have no technical skill at remodeling, and I might mess something up or slow someone down. I don't want to turn in resumes because the recipients might not be very impressed with me, and they might think me a nuisance for dropping off resumes uninvited. I don't clean my house because...well because I don't want to, and because I'm content to live in it as is. Besides, we aren't having any parties, so the place doesn't have to look respectable! :)

I am afraid that people will not accept or understand me, or that I might not make their grade. I cannot predict what a person thinks of me or of my work, and those things should not prevent me from being and doing anyway. This is common among people, I recognize, and I'm sure this doesn't sound as revolutionary to you as it did to me this morning.

This is all something that I have known for a long time...but for some reason it didn't really soak in until today. Knowledge isn't always power.

But today, I finished writing a song because I liked the song. Critics be damned. I know what I'm doing and what I want to do when I write. And that should be enough. Tomorrow I will try to practice this new freedom again.

Annual Salary, Jesus Cartoons, and Concerns

So, this guy made almost twice my yearly salary in a brilliant 30 days. Don't think I'm not considering this as a career option at this point...

Also, here are some cartoons starring Jesus if he walked beside each and every one of us in the flesh. Some are hilarious, some less so. Enjoy.

Finally, I am concerned that no one posted about their RPG experiences. Nerds? Are you out there? I realized that I should have put a smiley or something after the "mildly judgemental" bit, because that was supposed to be a a joke. See, because people are judgemental towards nerds and RPG's anyway. So, it was funny because I was allowing it. As if I has some choice in the matter. See. Hmmmm. And anyway, I've changed my mind. You can be blatantly, flagrantly, even provocatively judgemental in your commentting on RPG's, should you choose. Bring it on! (And,nerds: still unite.)

Dungeons and Dragons

I played for the first time last night. With Kevin, with some music nerds at some dude's apartment. It was fun. I don't think I ever would have liked it, were it not for my recent readings of LotR and playing of BG2. Pretty much, the whole thing started with Tolkien and grew from there, the way I see it. And they seem to have simplified the game system some too, from what I understand. I'm playing a half-elven cleric. I kicked some tail(s). Kevin plays a half-elven druid--my twin brother. He kicked less tail(s), because he wasn't allowed to bring his wolf into the pit fights. Next time, dear readers. Next time.

All this reminded me of how fun it was to play Star Wars RPG in high school. Being a less-than-outgoing person, RPG's provide that small, intimate gathering that allows me (and others like me) to thrive. I would like to play SW RPG again, because it is more fun than D&D. It is a better world to play in, a mon avis, and it is a better gaming system (although the new D&D system seems pretty simple). Or maybe it is nostalgia. Or maybe it's just cool to have so many cool-looking dice, regardless of what game you play.

Tell me about your RPG stories! Good ones and bad ones! Tell me about the people you played with, and what made it fun...or not fun. If you've never played, what are your thoughts on all this? You can be mildly judgemental. I give you that permission. Fire at will, commander! (Nerds, unite!)

Ben, you've opened the box. In a good way.

Capitalism is bad, absolutely. I do believe there are better, more moral fiscal systems. But all -isms are faulty. Because humans, yes, are fallible. This is why the modern mantras of relative truth and individual experience are bogus. There must be something greater than ourselves guiding us, because it doesn't pan out if we all say we're right. This is why the US is "Great White Devil." Not in the Caucasian sense, but in the white-washed, holier-than-thou, neon-light-look-to-our-example-of-shining-equality sense. As a national culture, we are a beacon to the world, overtly suggesting that they can have whatever they want whenever they want it, and that it's all okay. Sometimes I think that if DC is our national brain, then Las Vegas is our national heart. Or Los Angeles. (Not to suggest these cities are "evil" in any sense, more to say that they have distinct cultures and represent specific drives and desires.)

I do wonder if the US (democracy/capitalism/relativism) is the next step in the evolution of human culture (the way our patriotic nationalism claims), inasmuch as we have finally found a way for most people to have most things--most people can "pursue happiness" to whatever end they can attain. The general moral and material reasoning is that as long as it is okay for EVERYONE to enjoy certain privileges, then it is okay for ME to have those privileges as well. We stop asking if it is healthy or beneficial for us--as humans or as a culture--to have certain privileges at all.

I think you're right, Ben: capitalism, culture, and lack of self-discipline are to blame. And individual human beings have been and are at the helm of each of those entities. In short, at our core we (read: collective humanity) don't want self-discipline, and that leaks into everything else we do. I think that capitalism, and even democracy, are very authentic depictions of the human soul. We want to care about everyone, we sometimes try very hard to care about everyone, but we really only care about ourselves.

This is why TRUE Jewish and Christian teachings are so revolutionary: the denial of self as the ultimate fulfillment of self. How impossible! How audacious! How odd that it is also completely unattainable without higher help...a complete denial of self? The antithesis to who we are as humans.

Funerals and Comic Stores

I have been out of town the past several days. My cousin, Michelle, died last Saturday, and I went back to Milwaukee this week for her funeral, which was on Thursday. It was a very strange event for me. I have not been back to Wisconsin for 12 years--since my first grandfather died. Michelle died of a blood clot in her lung. She was only 29 and the whole ordeal was very unexpected. I couldn't even tell you how long it had been since I'd seen Michelle or my other cousins. They didn't make it to my wedding, which was the last time I saw most of my aunts and uncles (over five years ago). I don't have many memories of my extended family, but I only have good memories of playing with Michelle, Nicole, and Adam: my cousins. We were still in elementary school, and would play things like "tiger cubs" at my grandparents' house when there. I was impressed that Nicole remembered the last time we hung out together--all six of us had a sleepover at my grandparents' house.

I spent the few days after the funeral at my older cousin Craig's comic shop. They were celebrating their first anniversary. I got to help out. It was a good time, other than the snow on Saturday that kept many people from getting out to the party. I brought back two new games, both of which are relatively simple but fun. Craig was kind of like my older brother growing up. He's maybe 5 years older, and his mom and my mom always hung out together (being sisters), so by default, Craig and I did too. I have vivid memories of getting into Craig's comic books and Star Wars figures when he wasn't home. Thankfully, he no longer seems to mind! I also remember going to one of his (jr.?) high school basketball games. This was in the late eighties, when spitting for no reason was cool. I remember spitting as we walked to the school just because Craig did. Every time he would spit, so would I. Weird that I remember that. The only other thing I remember was not being allowed to throw my candy wrappers under the bleachers.

Don't make me destroy you.

Things I would like to be doing, but am not:
1. playing music with a friend
2. playing LotR RISK with some friends
3. playing Xbox or PS2 on the giant screen that I still have use of through tomorrow
4. praying
5. feeling better
6. hoping the Packers will win the Superbowl
7. using Force powers to mind trick people

I could be doing some of those things. In fact, maybe I will.

Are you inviting people to the party?

Well, are you? See the info below, if you need it.

Also, being unemployed is crappy. I get up later than I want, I have little to do (or more accurately, little that I can afford to do), and so I spend much time videoing my mind. Ick.

I would feel better if there were more decent paying jobs in this area...but there aren't.

Ext Ed LotR Fri & Sat, 14th, 15th

Lord of the Rings party at my house this weekend. We'll be watching all three extended edition LotR movies on a giant 6'x7' screen with a projector. Awesome. If you can come, certainly do. It's an open invitation...as long as I know you or you are with someone who does.

Bring a food or beverage to share. And bring a few bucks. We might order food...and the projector was considerably more expensive to rent than I'd anticipated. Also, bring people.

Showtimes:
Friday 1/14 8pm Fellowship of the Ring
Saturday 1/15 4pm The Two Towers
8pm Return of the King

This should give anyone time to attend the GW FNS and/or the Walk for the Homeless on Saturday (which I will be participating in, and you should too).

(insert title here)

Today the Packers lost. They played terribly. Next week, the Steelers will WIN.

I am reading A Confederacy of Dunces and it is very good. It is the first Pulitzer Prize winning book I've ver read. I like to read, but I don't like most books.

I do not know what I am doing or, more accurately, should be doing with my life. I am looking for work, but I don't have much hope that my new work will be much more fulfilling than my last work. I'm just looking for something to pay the bills, as they say. I'm also trying to reassess the things I like to do and the kind of person I am, and 27 seems a bad age to do that. I find myself stuck with a dramatic lack of insight on these issues. I always thought I wanted to be a counselor or psychologist-type person. Now I realize that I hate that kind of work, I just like knowing the people.

Can you help me? What kind of work do you think that I would enjoy and/or be good at?

I'm unemployed

...and can't really say that I'm loving it. I have a few phone calls to make today. Phone calls make me nervous. Then again, most aspects of looking for a new job make me nervous. I have to schedule a hair cut soon too.

And I'm also noticing that this weblog will need an overhaul. The colors on my screen at work were very different from the drab colors I see here. I wonder how I might go about remedying that.

And I have to work on some song lyrics. We have a show on Feb 10. We do not have a name yet, but we will be getting one soon. And then I will perhaps start a weblog dedicated to the band, so people can follow along. Weblogs are more free than websites. And I don't know anything about websiting anyway.

Hot Dog

Once there was a man named Alfred Haase, and Alfred's handwriting was such that when he wrote the words "last day" on the calendar, it became "hot dog." As such, today I celebrate my hot dog. Haase means "rabbit" in some language. German, I think.

Mixed feelings. I await the end of today and the beginning of the coming weeks, when perspective will return. I find myself questioning the decisions I have made, because the feelings associated with my circumstances are changing (which is to be expected at the end of anything good and meaningful). But, having made the decision firmly and over a very long period of time, I stick by my guns. Hell or high water, this is my new path. How exciting.

If you have a weblog listed on the side over there, you'd better be updating it regularly. I'll be booting idle writers soon. All I'm asking is a few posts a month.

Video games aren't bad. In fact, they can be very good. Most of them involve killing, which is not a good thing, but it isn't real killing, which is a good thing. I have not permanently banned games from my computer. I have placed a moratorium on them for a period of time because I want to get into the habit of doing other things. And sometimes games are downright boring, particularly in the online world, unless you know the person you're playing with/against. So, feel free to keep playing games, within reason. Some games are too coarse and gratuitous to be worthwhile, says I. What think ye, gamers of the web world?

here stands a monument

My computer is now completely free of games.

....urgh...

I apologize for not maintaining this. I have not had time to update. I have been very busy, and increasingly (but still mildly) anxious about my upcoming lack of job. One thing ends and another begins. Work has been busy, as has personal life. Please forgive me. And send me some holiday cheer. Also, thanks for posting on Target.

ps: It's okay to think, "Stay on target!" It's also okay to think, "Attack pattern Delta. Go now!" Also, I think that if Vader had offered me what he offered Luke ("Join me, and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son!"), I think I would have taken him up on it. I mean, c'mon.

Poop on Target

So, I just learned that Target isn't allowing the Salvation Army to have bell ringers outside their stores. And that means the Sal Army will probably not raise the $9 million it raised at Target stores last year. Disappointing. I have personal weekly contact with the Athens Sal Army, and I give them 5 stars. They are smart, caring, hard-working people, and it disappoints me greatly that Target has decided to give them the shaft. I'm not doing any shopping at Target this year as a result, and I encourage you to do the same. Spiffy ad campaigns be damned. Give money to the Salvation Army. I like them.

In other news, here are three places that if you have extra money, I hope you can give to:

Good Works, Inc Athens' own poverty fightin', poor lovin' machine.
International Justice Mission Global combatant against the international sex trade of young girls and other forced-labor slaves in our beautiful modern world.
World Vision International Helping poor communities become self-sustaining and well-fed across the globe.

Until Further Notice...

...the action will be on the comment board down yonder on the last post. Feel free to comment anonymously, if that's what suits you. Comment on anything you wish. And thanks for your patience with all the reading. I hope you'll find the dialogue interesting and insightful.

A survey. For you.

I am wondering what you think of this. How would you respond to this woman's concerns, and to this author's responses? Please keep in mind that both the woman and the author profess to be Christians, which impacts their thinking the same way yours is impacted by certain influences too.

"I'm at my wits' end," the young woman wrote. "I've asked pastors, friends, parents, God, and message boards this question and still haven't received an intelligent answer that I can live with. Why are homosexual acts wrong? I'm a Christian and believe in the Bible, but this part always stumps me."

According to my friend, Dr. J. Budziszewski, author of the excellent new book, ASK ME ANYTHING: PROVOCATIVE ANSWERS FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS, disturbing questions like this show that church leaders aren't providing young people with the whole picture about sexuality. They may be faithfully teaching God's rules, but when asked why God made these rules, too often they say, "Take two aspirin, and wait for the questions to go away."

The good news, says Budziszewski, is that we can answer disturbing questions. Where are the answers found? In our creational design.

"People say homosexuality isn't natural," the young woman complained in her letter, "but that can't be true because it's found among animals." Budziszewski answers, "But our nature is how God designed us. What's natural for human beings isn't whatever you can find some animal doing; it's whatever fulfills our design. Men and women were plainly designed for each other -- not men for men, nor women for women." Children can be born in no other way.

"But homosexual acts don't harm anyone," said the young woman. Budziszewski answers, "The idea that homosexual acts don't harm anyone isn't even close to being true; they harm those who perform them at every level. To begin with the most obvious level -- the physical -- how could it not harm a man to suffer physical trauma because body parts are repeatedly forced into bodily openings that were designed for a radically different function?" And the rates of a long, long list of diseases are also much higher among practicing homosexuals, and contrary to popular belief, this is true for lesbians as well as for "gay" men.

At the emotional level, Budziszewski explains, the damage of homosexual acts is just as grave. God designed the male-female pair to balance each other; by contrast, same-sex mating drives them out of balance. If you want an example, think of the anonymous, no-brakes promiscuity of men who have sex with
hundreds, even thousands, of other men.

"And what about spiritual harm?" asks Budziszewski. "In homosexual acts, you're seeking union with someone who is only your own mirror image, so in a way, you're still trapped inside yourself. You haven't experienced the power of marital sexuality to take you beyond the Self; you're rejecting the challenge of union with someone who is really other. In that way, homosexual acts are less like marital intercourse than like masturbation with another body."

That's frank, even startling language, but what's happened to our culture is startling too. When young people confused by the culture ask questions, they need clear, unvarnished answers to set their thinking straight. That's why I recommend this great new book ASK ME ANYTHING: PROVOCATIVE ANSWERS FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS.

God's rules for sex are never arbitrary; they are based on how He made us. As Budziszewski rightly says, it's all in the design.

what's happening with my hips?

I posted a few days ago, but apprently it didn't stick. It's a shame, really, because I'm sure it will be more intelligent that this will be.

I am feeling the pinch of having less that 30 days left at my current job, but as of yet not having another job to transition into. If you know of any jobs in the Athens area that pay more than $9/hr, please tell me. I have the capability to do many things.

I just learned that there's a new game called Godzilla: Save the Earth. It looks awesome. It's a shame I do not have a wokring PS2 anymore. Not that I need another distraction.

I like playing music. I like when Kevin has his cello at practice. It makes the songs 2x as good, easily. Grabs at your heart through your ears. Amazing. And we need some way to get a piano of some sort into that practice room too. Maybe it's time to bust out the old Casio ConcertMate. Hey, something is better than nothing, and it's just practice.

How have you been, cherished reader?

Let's all be smart about this, shall we?

I just had a short shot of whiskey. Now my head is lighter. I don't like it when that happens. I should have eaten lunch.

The Thanksgiving holiday was very good to me. I was able to spend very good time with my family, specifically parents and brothers, whom I do not get to see as often as I would like. I taugh both my brothers and my wife how to play SW minis...and all three of them crushed me. Seriously, I lost four times.

But then I beat Kevin on Sunday, which was nice, because Kevin is a brilliant strategist. We win or lose entirely based on dice rolls, which is different from my other losses because...wait a minute! I only lost those games because of poor dice rolls too! Damn! Maybe the answer lies in buying a bigger army...

In other news, the job hunt has begun. I officially applied for my first job a week ago, but haven't heard anything.I will soon be taking the sage advice of Jessi and Keith by trying to network into a job, rather than resume my way into one. No one gets hired locally around here with a resume--it's all who you know and who knows you. Prayers in this area are greatly appreciated, as job hunting is a great stress builder.

With the advent of winter break, the band is supposed to be practicing more. We'll see if that comes to fruition. We'll most likely play our first show, prepared or not, sometime in January or February. Right now we still have the same material, but I have been slowly working on new stuff. We'll be putting together some covers soon, but of what I do not yet know.

Ok. That is all.

SW Redemption

So, I saw the new Episode III trailer last night. It looks really, really good. I am surprised. My faith is being restored. This is the one movie that no one (but Lucas) could screw up. It is the one move that we've waited this whole time for--the first two were just publicity stunts leading up to this grand Darth Vader moment. Bring on May '05. Nerds unite!

ps: was that an army of Wookies I saw?!!

Perspective, perspective, perspective...

This is incredible. It says more than I'm able to say, and all that I'd hope to say. Do yourself a favor and take the time.

Inflamatory Material--read at your own risk!

So, here's a snippet from "Falwell Confidential," which I receive, though I'm not sure how I got signed up. (I like to keep the subscription, just to keep tabs on ol' Jerry.) This is the kind of stuff that distresses me, because it's civil religion--deliberately associating love of Jesus with a specific political agenda. Civil Religion is heresy. We should be political, surely, because we are given that right in this country. But as believers in Jesus' death and resurrection we are first citizens of his Kingdom, then citizens of earthly kingdoms. There's my first cent. My second cent is that Falwell quotes a verse at the bottom of his essay that I believe is popularly misquoted in this country by evangelical and fundamentalist Christians. God was talking to His people Israel, not his people the Americans. At best, God's promise applies to all of his children through Jesus, including we Gentiles. But it doesn't apply to nation-states.

Have fun. And please, post your reaction, if you can slog that far.

From: Jerry Falwell
THE LEFT THREW ITS BEST PUNCH... AND FAILED.
Tuesday’s re-election of President George W. Bush and the election of a number of new conservative lawmakers across the nation astonished liberal newsmen, pundits and handlers who, hours earlier, had believed allegedly rigged exit polls and were confidently whispering that a new mandate was going to sweep the nation.
So what happened? After more than 25 years since I formed the Moral Majority and began mobilizing evangelicals to participate in the political process, I actually realized the fruit of my labors nationwide as Macel and I watched the election returns into the early hours of Wednesday. I could not hold back the tears of joy. Hour by hour, we observed a "slam dunk" as the Church of Jesus Christ made the difference in initiating the return of this nation to moral sanity and the Judeo-Christian ethic.
The so-called political experts had forgotten to count a significant voting bloc, namely the millions of evangelical voters who went to the polls in droves to “vote Christian.” Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Tom Brokaw and Chris Matthews started Tuesday night with the firm belief they were presiding over the demise of social conservatism in America.
I’m not suggesting that we elected a bunch of fire-and-brimstone evangelists to office this week, but Christians collectively determined which candidates most closely held ideals that parallel our own biblically-based moral values and we went to the polls to support those candidates.
I believe evangelical Christians are about 33 percent of the electorate today and are as powerful a voting bloc as there is in this nation. The so-called mainstream media will never give the proper credit for what we accomplished this week, but the fact is that evangelical Christians joined together in spirit at polls across this nation and are the reason a record 115 million persons actually voted. This was the most exciting day politically since the same day in 1980 when we first arose to sweepingly elect President Reagan to the Oval Office.
I saw this coming weeks before the election and tried to hearten believers through my columns by recounting the incredible energy I witnessed among Christians in my many trips across the country. There was a palpable vigor among believers who could hardly wait to charge to the polls on Tuesday. Thousands of pastors were stirring their congregations to distinguish the issues, know the combatants and be geared up to vote.
And boy, were they!
We should all feel a sense of accomplishment and thankfulness to God for blessing our efforts. We must never forget that people of faith in this country, joined by political and fiscal conservatives, successfully withstood Hollywood, Springsteen, Affleck, Baldwin, the Dixie Chicks (now called the French Hens by some), billionaire George Soros and his ilk, all the 527s, most of the national print and broadcast media, the gays and lesbians, the abortionists, the entire liberal establishment... and about $2 billion of hate-inspired media and campaign expenditures.
The left threw its best punch and George Bush and social conservatism are alive and well. To God be all the glory!

“If my people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land” (II Chronicles 7:14).

That verse is more powerful than any exit poll. And it will sustain us against any rising political tide that seeks to counter biblical morality, if we remain true to that verse’s unique guidelines.

Smattering

I'm finding myself deflated after all this election stuff. I didn't honestly think I was that invested in Kerry, but I find myself feeling strangely helpless now. I guess I had a strange hopefulness, but I'm not sure in what. I am reminded that God always knows what's going on...even if his children don't.

I wish that I felt like Bush was truly pro-life, rather than just anti-abortion. I wish his cabinet didn't give me the creeps. I wish that conservative Christians across the country could see the world and could see history, rather than just here and now. Local moral issues are incredibly important, but not to the negligence of equally important global moral issues. Um, like war for example, or an uncounted number of civilian Iraqis as combat collateral, or the global financial oppression instigated, sponsored, and currently endorsed by the US through our loans to poor Third World nations.

Why is it so hard for most Christians (who are supposed to be the witnesses to and bearers of the revealed, relentless love of Jesus) to reconcile meeting, knowing, and loving homosexual people while maintaining that homosexual behavior is morally sinful? I think we do not know what sin is. I think we do not know what mercy is. God, please help us.

What if the solution to the problem of abortion lies not in making the act illegal, but in addressing the issues that influence women to choose abortion in the first place? Which option is filled with love? Which option hurts more and requires more of us personally? Which disallows self-righteous isolationism and condemnation?

Humanism is morally bankrupt and founded on faulty, idealist thinking.

If I could get many people to join the Socialist party with me, I think I would do it. Enough to shape it (whatever it is) into something wholesome. Or maybe the Green party. We need a strong third party in this country. One that bridges the gaps between the folly of the parties we have currently. One that could represent a true pro-life agenda, have a solid moral understanding, and love all people too. One that recognizes capitalism as being the great inequalizer. One that can vilify the juggernaut greed monster on corporate and local levels. One that recognizes that no one can serve both God and money. I know politics are never the eternal answer, but I think I might be about 50% actually into this idea. I wish I had trustworthy people to talk with about it. How about it? Anyone up for some dialogue here?

So tired...

So, I've decided I'm not going to vote. After all this talk about getting out the vote, vote mobbing, rocking the vote, the incessant prerecorded phone messages I keep getting, and the pounds and pounds of mass mailing---I'm just not voting at all. Screw the presidency, screw Ohio Issue 1, screw Athens Issue 2. And whatever local elections there are on the ballot, screw those too. I've had enough. I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm going to crawl back into my American luxury hole and let the world blow by as it has in the past. As long as I get my share, I don't give three craps in a bucket. I'll be safe regardless, because I live in Athens, Ohio. Who's going to blow up Athens, Ohio? I'm tired of being subjected to rants about what makes this guy better than that guy, or how this other guy totally screwed up everything and he's not fit to lead lemmings off a cliff. I'm tired of stories about lawyers in polling places, false accusations, and paranoid political parties. I'm tired of rhetoric and politic and double-speak. I quit.

Just kidding. I'll be voting tomorrow at 8am, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. On all of the issues above. And not for the current administration(s), in most cases. (Man, you fall for that every time!)

This is good medicine.

Rob R wrote a great little diatribe in frustration about some real issues surrounding being a Christian NOT voting for Bush in the coming election. I sympathise and identify with his thoughts almost perfectly, but he put them into such clearer and smarter words that I have the capacity to do. If you call yourself a Christian (no matter who you are voting for), I highly advise reading this. Click here.

Mouthing Off: Conservative Rant vol.1

Twice in the past 24 hours I have had conversations that sparked my defense of conservative Christians. This installment of Mouthing Off isn't directed at either of those people specifically, should they read this. This is a much larger issue for me, something that I hold with deep passion and conviction.

First, I will say that I am not a conservative Christian. Nor am I a liberal Christian. I'm a passionate moderate. My beef with both sides of the camp is that they are arrogant and one-sided (even for talk of open-mindedness or of love the sinner, hate the sin), refusing to see WHO the people are on the other side of their agenda for fear of WHAT they are or what they might represent. We are intolerant in our tolerance and unloving in our love. Our gospels are empty.

Here's why the conservative agenda, which I will describe as wanting to change the condition of our culture through political (rather than personal, moral, individual) means is good. It recognizes that sin is a powerfully destructive force that impacts not only the sinner, but also the sinned-against, sometimes for several degrees of separation, and it is not afraid to stand up and identify what sin is. An example: The sinner molests a young girl, who has her sense of healthy love and sex stripped from her, and then loses her ability growing up to adequately convey these ideas to her own children. In this mindset, the prevention of sinful acts is an act of protection. Neither being a Christian nor being a fan of Barbasol shaving cream prevent the affects that sins have on the lives of humans. It's the way we're built. In turn, sin affects our culture. And our culture affects us. So, when conservatives want to lobby against "progressivism," I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I think it is the only reasonable thing to do, because it provides a check & balance for our own self-gratifying nature, and it (ideally) forces us to examine issues that we otherwise ignore or neglect in favor of personal convenience (like the value of true community, or healthy family relationships, or the effects of multiple sexual partners on a person's capacity for intimacy.)

The main argument against this logic is that by legislating morality, you are not actually causing people to become moral. Only Jesus can do that. Granted. But the point isn't that people are becoming more moral, it's that the innocent are being protected from the immorality of others. Our nation is increasingly turning towards a philosophy that it is okay to be immoral, as long as it doesn't bother anyone else, particularly me. This is the thrust of the sexual revolution--if you say it's okay, then it's okay, just do it behind closed doors. Similar thing with American capitalistic materialism--you can have as much excess and wealth as you please, just don't mention what wage the worker was paid who made it for you.

All this begs the question: what is "morality", and who gets to define it? What are your thoughts on that question? I personally have little trouble identifying and describing the consequences and damage of sin and immorality, even the sins that we really don't like to call sin, like greed, lust, gluttony. The things most of us are guilty of. ("But not as guilty as they are! Just look at them!") Sin has damaged our ability to see sin as sin--in some ways, that is the entire human condition. Can you see ways that is true in your own life?

Again, I'm not a conservative, and I'm not voting for Bush. And I certainly do not think that all, or even most, conservative Christians are on the right track (including and especially the Christian Coalition).To the contrary, I believe most of them have little idea why they believe what they believe, other than the parrot answers they were given by people they foggily trust to lead them. They are prudish and fearful of getting other people's sin on them--too busy trying to keep themselves looking holy. They don't understand the completeness of their fallen condition nor the completeness of Jesus' love, mercy, compassion, and forgiveness. They are trapped in a system of fear of failure to live up to their perception of God's mandates to be holy.

But true Christian conservatives are not prudish, they are protectors. They feel the weight of sin and the enormity of its destructive power. They are different from liberal thinking in their ideology: they do not have a mindset that values the wants of an individual, they have a mindset that values an entire culture. I value their place in our culture, next to Christian liberals.

Just for equal time and space, I'd like to rant about the virtues of liberalism, but because I get the sense most of this audience is already mostly there, I'll save it. One of these Mouthing Off's is going to be a rail against Christian conservativism, so you can be on the lookout for that... Post what is on your heart and mind.

Problems with Posters

To all who have posted recently, thanks for taking the time. To all who haven't posted recently, you should post.

To everyone, regardless, here is a brief chastisement. Most of the time, I'll be inviting people to post. Most of my intent with this weblog is to mouth off, but in so doing I want to stimulate interaction and thought and sharing about junk that feels very important, but doesn't seem to get much cultural airplay. We all realize that the 80's were pretty dang good, but that wasn't exactly the purpose of the "Nod to..." post. Likewise, no one has posted about the porn commentary thing, which is something we should be thinking about in some context because it affects every one of our lives, to varying degrees. (I recognize it was lengthy, and for that I'm sorry...I wanted to give an overview of a broad-spectrum issue, to get some discussion rolling. Maybe it didn't work.)

I hope this can be a place of honesty and challenge, or minimally consensus if that's the best we can do. It can be a place of outrage, frustration, and confrontation, as long as we're being reasonably respectful. Feel free to post anonymously, if that's more comfortable. For a refresher on what this weblog's goal is, run a search for "Gandalf" in the search bar up top. Squidzaus' first post ever is at the bottom of that page.

If there are things that I could do be a better provoker, post it. If you have thoughts on some of those other issues, post them. Keep in mind, I ain't mad atcha. But we can do better, yes?

Commentary for Comment

Here's something I read recently. I don't think it's great, but I do think it brings up some interesting cultural points. I wish it wasn't written with a hint of smirk (usually Colson doesn't do that), but c'est la vie. It's by Charles Colson, who heads up Prison Fellowship Ministries. Take the good, take the bad, but think about some aspect of what's being said and leave a comment. Think culturally.

A Little Late to Be Squeamish: Porn in the Mainstream

If you ever doubt that our culture is pre-occupied with sexual gratification, watch some prime-time television -- not the programs necessarily, just the commercials. Every hour, you'll see at least three or four ads for drugs that promise to let you have sex whenever you want it. As one ad says, it's unfettered sexual gratification that makes "our days our own" -- the revenge of Freud and Kinsey.

In this cultural setting, you would expect a book by a woman who embodies unfettered sexual gratification to be celebrated. But oddly you would be wrong.

The book is HOW TO MAKE LOVE LIKE A PORN STAR: A CAUTIONARY TALE by Jenna Jameson (which, I should add, neither I nor my staff have read). According to those who keep track of such things, Jameson is the biggest name in the $10 billion-a-year pornography industry.

Despite subtitling her book A CAUTIONARY TALE, Jameson is not cautious, much less apologetic, when it comes to her sexual escapades. As she writes, "My first love is sex, not acting. I'm not Meryl Streep." She denies that her career choice had anything to do with her, by all accounts, brutal childhood. She grew up without a mother in -- where else? -- Las Vegas and was raped several times. Instead, she depicts herself as the embodiment of feminist ideals: a strong, successful woman in charge of her sexuality.

Critics, however, are not buying it. The NEW YORK TIMES called it "amazing" that "a memoir that once would have won itself a plain brown wrapper can now be found beside books about Henry James." Another critic summed up Jameson as "a woman who has become rich and famous by doing on screen what most people reserve for the privacy of their bedrooms."

These are obviously valid critiques. The problem is that the people making them have no basis for their judgment of Jameson, at least not if logical and philosophical consistency makes any difference. They, like most of our cultural gatekeepers and elites, regard the sexual revolution as a good thing. They see this "revolution" as setting people free from unnecessary moral and biological restraints and allowing them to explore their sexuality more fully.

Well, it's hard to imagine a more perfect representative of these ideals than Jameson and the porn industry. Pornography represents the triumph of these ideals, a world in which sex is beyond moral judgment as long as both parties consent to the activity. And the young women who undergo plastic surgery in an attempt to more closely resemble women like Jameson are simply exercising that greatest of all values, choice.

If the TIMES and other critics are squeamish about all this, it's because they have been trying to have it both ways. They want the freedom promised by the sexual revolution, but then they don't want to deal with the consequences that inevitably flow from it. They resent Jameson for reminding them that their worldview doesn't work.

Only a worldview, you see, that regards sex as something more than a recreational, biological function can enable people to regard themselves and others as something more than means to animal gratification. This is yet another example that any other worldview than the biblical one in the end proves irrational and unlivable. And in this case, even the NEW YORK TIMES knows that.

A nod to conservativism

Some of the best days of my life were spent playing "guns" or "army" with my brothers in the woods around our house in KY. Not much about life in KY was good, but I did have a few very good friends, and I had my brothers, and I had summer. I know there are people who are adamantly against giving their children guns as toys. I don't really know how I feel about that, being a kid who had toy guns. I've never shot a real gun in my life, though I know my dad had a .22 rifle. (Actually, he recently told me the story of how he bought the gun when he himself was a boy, and he rode home with it on his bike in downtown Milwaukee. Things were different then, and I desperately wish that my generation knew more about what life was like for our parents.)

New direction. For those select few of you who can claim to be from my generation, weren't the 80's our greatest moment? Forget GenX and all that cynical woe-is-me garbage. I want my Transformers lunchbox back. I want to haggle someone out of their twinkies. I want scratch-n-sniff stickers as rewards for good homework, and I want my sticker album to keep my collection and to make trades. I want Saturday mornings that are filled with cartoons--GOOD cartoons, mind you--and I want Little Caesar's to have crazy pizza deals.

If they tell you that our world is improving, do not believe them. What has caused the breakdown in our culture's moral fabric (for lack of a better term)? Why have we become so...stupid, as to say that truth cannot be determined, or that one person's view is not necessarily better than another's, as if we've lost the ability to think critically? In our rush for progress, let's not forget the way things were, and what made them good. We've all been drilled on what made them bad. Not that things aren't good now, because they are. I hope some kid will be cooing about Pokemon 15 years from now. I just wish that our progressivism nodded to conservativism sometimes, recognizing the good that we came from. History doesn't always have to be bitter.

These did not post in the right order... 

And this. So, who's with me?  

Here is a place in WY that I went 4 months ago. I desperately want to return there, particularly on days like today. 

Chastity Candidly...

...which unintentionally sounds somewhat like a porn star name, which, as it turns out, is what this post is going to marginally be about.

I despise porn and the SI swimsuit thingy. Let me tell you why. I tire of the struggle of hating everything that is in them and what they (mis)represent, yet finding myself drawn to the pages anyway. And it's not all hormonal as many tend to believe, whether to justify their own behavior or to dissect the behaviors of others.

Here's the deal: we get Sports Illustrated here at the shelter sometimes. People donate old copies or occasionally we've received a subscription for a few months. It's not even a mag I enjoy, beyond the pictures--I'm not much of a jock or sports freak. Also, on the few occasions when we've received the swimsuit copy, it's pretty easy to pitch it because it's so entirely and obviously inappropriate for innumerable reasons. However, as I was cleaning up the living room here today, I discovered a copy of the 50th anniversary edition of SI, a huge magazine with loads of coverage on all things sports, a nifty spoof cover of the Sistene Chapel...and a few pages of fluffy swimsuit stuff. Once I recognized what was in it, I pitched the whole mag. Being the only one here, here's where the dilemma begins.

Why in the sam hell can't I just leave it where it is? Why does the knowledge of its presence create such a nagging to pull it out of the trash and just check out the pictures? (The trick is, I've never seen a swimsuit issue, so my curiosity tries to get the better of me--for investigative purposes, of course.) And it's such a small and harmless thing anyway, right? I mean, we're not talking soft-core or anything here, or are we?

I ended up removing it from the office trash and , without opening it [pats himself on the back], tossed it into the kitchen trash, which is far yuckier and less retrievable. If you don't understand why this was a bigger deal than seeing real live topless (French) folk on St. Maarten, ask me. Or ask almost any woman. Post away, all comments are welcome.

Girls want a boyfriend with skills

Here is a list of my skills. I already have a girlfriend. She is my wife.

drawing
strategy board gaming
guitaring
recruiting Greg Booth for a band
numchucking
watching Kevin's back
opining
answering the telephone
talking with people

I'm not sure if that is a complete list. It is now time to eat dinner. You should read the post from yesterday--I don't think many other people did.

Mouthing Off

Here is a word to American Christians. This is not directed to anyone in particular, but to a cultural phenomenon.

Please remember that there is absolutely NO implicit reationship between being a Christian and being an American. America is NOT a Christian nation, and it never has been. The founding fathers were not Christians, they were Deists. God has done amazing things in this country, in terms of revival and freedom, but that does not make us any more Christian than France.

I find myself being increasingly frustrated by the association of Christianity with America or being American. This happens unintentionally across the globe, but also intentionally as a means of bolstering political support. It should not happen regardless.

Why do we forget (or are convinced) so easily that being American means being Christian? Or more recently, that being Christian means being Republican? Why is it so hard to see that salvation will never come through the political process--not if every member of Congress and the President were all born-again, bonifide believers. Why is it that if you walk into almost ANY church in this country, you will find both the Christian flag AND the American flag up front near the podium or altar? That doesn't happen in other countries--do we realize that?

Folks, this just shouldn't be. Our citizenship is in heaven first. We belong to the Kingdom of God, not to any country on earth. Nationalism and American pride have no place in our lives. And don't get me wrong--I'm not in favor of separation of church and state, at least not the way the current cultural trends have been pushing (from both sides). I think believers should be (and in fact are called to be) active in their communities and in the land in which they live. Even the simple act of voting can be an act of worship no matter who who vote for, as long as you do it wisely and prayerfully making the best decision you can make. But we need to recognize that we are aliens and strangers in this land, on this whole planet, called to live our lives in different ways, with different purposes.

As children of the living God, I hope we can be wiser than this. I hope we can see through the smoke, and recognize that the devil has been using even some of us for his own purposes--that we are being deceived, and that the deception has soaked into our culture to such a degree that we don't even think of it anymore. Sin has corrupted our ability to see sin as sin.

This was just a rant, and not very organized. Feel free to comment. Maybe next time I'll rant about how Christians have been wooed into the trap of materialism. (Myself included.) I'm left wondering why I still try to serve both God and Money/Culture/the Jones', when Jesus said that is impossible.

Urg.

Today I realized I have less than 3 months before I am unemployed. I am not scared. But I am interested to see where this all ends up. My 5 year plan is a little fuzzy these days.

I have been too distracted as of late with my own life to think about the affairs of the world. There is loads happening. But I don't know where I stand on lots of it. I try to stay up on the election nonsense, but that's about as far as I can go these days. Makes me sad, because I feel like I'm missing important things.

Band news: we have formal practice times now. Hey, that's a bloody milestone, so don't make fun. And it cost us a member, most likely. The upside is that Greg and I played some last week, and it was beootiful. I am excited about the future of this thing.

More news: Anybody want to come to a LAN party on Friday, Oct 22? It would be a PC-only ordeal (sorry Macies), and I think we would play Homeworld, Aliens Vs. Predator, and/or Medal of Honor. The idea is to play games that people can run even if their machine is several years old. Like mine. All are welcome. Let me know if you're interested, I'm trying to guage interest.

Silver bells...

We get some seriously strange donations here at the homeless shelter sometimes. Once, someone gave us 3/4 case of Miller High Life. Occasionally we get odd assortments of clothing. Recently, we got a stainless steel counter bell--the type a small shop might have to alert the cashier that a customer was ready for checkout.

I have adopted said bell, placing it within arms reach on my desk (which is also Bradley's desk). Currently, we have no other need for it here, and it would be a shame to see it head to the thrift store. It is amazing to me how such a small bell can be so amazing to me. I like the shape and feel of the little button. The striker is well balanced and has a good weight. It has a clear, consistent ring--the kind that serves its purpose, really. Though I suppose it could be argued that it has no purpose here.

My experience so far is similar to pencil-tapping: it's pleasant, even pacifying, to the person tapping it, but quite obnoxious to everyone else within earshot. I could apologize, but that would suggest I will stop ringing the bell, which I won't.

Suggested Reading

I resonate with the thoughts and feelings expressed here. Chris is a cool guy with wise thoughts and strong, righteous feelings. He is a guy to trust with a great many things. He would not like me saying so.

Nerd Fest!

For those of you wanting to adequately educate yourselves for the purposes of cameraderie or mockery, click here.

Yes, I am bragging. (And also listing for possible trades, Rob? Jon?) Kevin got some rad ones too. Here's my complete list of minis, after receiving my purchse from my cousin last night:

REBELS
C-3PO
Elite Hoth Trooper
Elite Rebel Trooper x2
Hoth Trooper x2
Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight
Luke Skywalker, Rebel
Princess Leia, Captive
R2-D2
Rebel Commando
Rebel Officer
Rebel Pilot x3
Rebel Trooper x4

EMPIRE
Darth Vader, Dark Jedi
General Veers
Heavy Stormtrooper
Imperial Officer x2
Royal Guard
Scout Trooper
Snow Trooper x5
Storm Trooper x3

FRINGE
Bespin Guard x2
Duros Mercenary x2
Ewok x4
Gamorrean Guard x2
Ithorian Scout x2
Jawa
Mon Calamari Mercenary x2
Greedo
Tusken Raider x2
Twi-lek Scoundrel x2

Marauding bands of rubber

I'm finding that keeping a weblog is becoming boring. Mainly, this is a result of me myself being personally boring. I have no anecdotes to relay, no comical characters to belittle, and quite often nothing interesting to say at all.

Drop the debt! (The US's and the global.)

Was that interesting? Let's hope so.

Nutrition

Today for lunch I ate 3 pieces of re-baked LJS catfish, 1 piece of re-baked LJS regular fish, and a whole can of Bush's Homestyle Beans.

This should have been me...

This is amazing. To think, this could have been me, just two weekenda ago... I can't believe I missed out on such a glorious opportunity.

Also, please welcome Rob Rennich to the board over there on the left. He's taken his first steps into a much larger world.

PS: as might be expected, the words formed from the names in the links have nothing to do with whom they are conjoined and do not represent them in any intentional way.

Mouthing Off

I was going to say that Napoleon Dynamite was one of my top five favorite movies of all time. Seriously. That was when I believed that it was a small, indie film that was made by folks who actually lived a similar life and were making a movie to comemorate the truths of being a nerd/dork/dweeb. I had friends like that. I was like that.

See, I missed the first few minutes of the movie. Like when it rolls across that it's an MTV movie, which a friend told me later.

Now I am very confused because I want to believe that it is still pure and good, but I have an itch in my mind telling me that it is corrupt corporate-pop-fluff being directly targeted at me by The Man himself. Whereas before I believed it was an honestly quirky movie, thereby allowing me to forgive and appreciate its faults, I now have a gnawing suspicion that its Wes Anderson-ness is a deliberate marketing ploy.

What am I to do? Someone help me. Inform me. Brooke, if anyone knows the truth, you do. Do I pummel or do I embrace?

I know, I know, "Stop worrying."
"Just let it go."
"It's only a movie."
I'm a nerd--it doesn't work that way.

There's always the hope that The Man funded the movie, but kept its grubbers off of it. I've heard that sometimes that almost rarely happens on infrequent occasions.

PS (and a total aside): Why is The Man still masculine? Shouldn't there be some kind of PC lawsuit or something to change it to The Woman every other reference? Or to some androgenous term, like The Person?

Sing a new song

I propose a new verse to an old, old song:

Where have all the good jobs gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the good jobs gone?
Gone to China, every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

This is in memory of all the good jobs our fathers, uncles, and friends (and moms and aunts) have lost over the past 4 years. Why in the blue bloody blazes are there so many middle-aged men getting laid off? Feel free to post a story as a comment. Here are three quick ones.

My dad was laid off when his company was bought out three years ago. He and my mom moved to TN as a result, so now my whole family live 8 hours away.
There's a college educated 50 year old man at the shelter currently who has beenlaid off from several jobs recently, as each one of the small companies he does engineering for has closed it's doors.
Nevermind, I'll let Kevin tell his own story.

Dreaming in FPS

For the past several nights, I have been dreaming in SW miniatures. This happens every now and again, usually when I play too much of a brand new computer game. Once, I had dreams in Final Fantasy format. These are otherwise normal dreams, except that everyone in them is a plastic miniature, or perhaps has an action bar or dialogue box above their head. Yeah, that was the weirdest--when no one talked audibly because it was all in Final Fantasy dialogue boxes. It's bad because it happens even when I'm just half awake, like when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but I can't stop thinking about people as SW minis. This too shall pass...in about 2 more days.

I have also been dreaming in Coheed and Cambria. I borrowed their black (2nd?) album from Ben, and have been listening to it far too much, it would seem. I don't think I've ever dreamt about an album before. Not about it's content, just the songs running through my head. I barely can understand 50 words on the whole disk. It's good, but I've switched back to Nick Drake, for safety reasons.

Bradley Shadrix is being job trained this week. It's good to have a compatriot again.

I will be purchasing more minis from my cousin soon. That means I'll have what I'd consider a "complete" set: enough for me to supply a friend or two with enough pieces for us to play a game, without them having to supply their own.

SW Minis

Nerds, unite! My cousin, the amazing comic shop owner/operator, sent me the starter and a booster for the SW (Star Wars, for you non-nerds) miniatures game that came out not too long ago. I've never played one of these games before, though I've always been impressed with the design of the pieces. I've never had the money (and therefore the interest) necessary to buy a big enough army to win. And it feels fundamentally wrong that the richest kids win these things because they can afford the most and better pieces. Anyway, Kevin and I played last night, and it is fun. The game design torques me off because it is (surprise!) designed to make you buy the booster packs (at ridiculous prices for little, rigid, plastic-molded people). However, the game play is fun enough that it's worth it. I'll be putting in an order for more booster packs soon...as will Kevin. My reasoning is that if I have enough pieces to create variety in gameplay, I really don't need to have all 60 of them. After losing handily last night, I've determined that I do need Boba Fett, or at least a Wampa.

Darth Vader, Dark Jedi, kicked my ass all over the Death Star.

To Seth--
You are astute. ("What's a 'stute'?") I ran CC in HS. My PR was 17 min something. I think on the short end of 17. (That was 9 freaking years ago.) I was one of those cursed late-bloomers, doomed to saying things like, "If only I'd had one more year, I would have kicked ass...and been at the physical maturity and competitiveness of my peers." Alas, we Filipiaks have small (but ninja-like) genes.

Holy Mexicans

Today we had an extended staff meeting because we had four Mexican men from the United Methodist Church's Mexican conferences visit with us. They are in Ohio for the next several days for a larger meeting/conference and were sent to visit with us as part of their itinerary. Good Works isn't UMC affiliated, but we certainly do work with lots of UMC affiliated churches, in addition to all the other churches and community groups. It was cool to have these guys visit for a few hours. We had a spontaneous prayer time, where first they prayed for each of us (in Spanish), then we prayed for them. It was a good time, and greatly appreciated. I'm always surprised how random people can know what kind of prayer I need at that moment. It always amazes me how encouraging, inspiring, and poignant things like that can be. I guess that's the skeptic in me. This sort of thing happens regularly around here, and I will miss it when I am gone.

I smell something burning. Must be almost dinner time...

A new personal record!!!

So, Sarah and I ran in that race on Saturday, and, even though I haven't ran a race since just after high school, I still managed to beat out a new PR--16 min, 47 sec!!! Sarah was dragging her feet, but still came in around 22 minutes. Pretty good, for a first timer.

Oh yeah, I forgot: I'm lying. We didn't run. In the event that you didn't know, we got tons of rain, rain, rain on Friday. That washed the race out. On top of that, Sarah hasn't been getting enough sleep because of the pup. The deal was that I was only running if she was soooooo...no race. I'm surprised they didn't cancel it. Then again maybe they did, since we weren't there to find out.

My cousin sent me the new Star Wars miniatures game. Wow, does it seem cool. Yes, nerdy. But also strategic and fun. And fraking addicting. I am beginning to understand the attraction of "Gotta catch 'em all!--Pokemon" They're just stupid plastic figures that don't even move, but I still find myself wanting to assemble a (costly) death squad of storm troopers with a "Sith Lord" Vader as their commander. Some of them look really cool, some look stupid. Oh well.

In other news, frustrations abound in band-land, as schedules fail to cooperate. I don't know how the rock and roll is going to shape up. I'm feeling a tad deflated because this dang town just can't cough up the committment that I'd hoped (in vain) for. No offense to the gents, by any means--we'll still rock. It will just take longer, and might not be super caliber. Luckily, we're all genius master musicians.

Neptune Comics

This is the website of the comic shop that my cousin recently opened in Waukesha, WI. My cousin is rad, and has been a comic nerd for ages. He was like an older brother to me growing up...except I didn't see him all that often. I have vivid memories of rummaging through his large collection of Star Wars figures and comic books as a kid. I'm sure he wanted to kill me, because most of the time he wasn't home when I found them...under his bed or tucked in a box in the closet. Mind you, I was about 8, and he was 14 or so. Anyway, check out his shop and business. He's a mild-mannered pharmaceutical salesman by day, and he takes over running the comic shop (from his wife) at night. Sounds like a great, non-creepy place.

The headache

Today I woke up with my headacher precursor--a litle green dot in the middle of my field of vision, similar to what happens when you look at the sun. Then, it spreads to my peripheral vision. That's the time to take pills, pills, pills, before it starts hurting. Today, I was able to stave it off for awhile, but when I laid down for about an hour or so, it came back. Right before I was supposed to be at work. Usually, resting is the only thing that kills it, but I guess today I rested just long enough for the pills to wear off but not long enough for my body to reset. So, here I sit at work, with my vision screwy. Thankfully, the pain has subsided, mostly. Do you have any idea what this is? It happens about 2-3 times a year for me, and almost always the same, except they usually happen at night. I've been told migranes and I've been told sinus headaches. I don't know much about either.

Do Over

I'm a bit more lucid now. And sentimental.

I like living. I like life. I like being with people, and having those privileged moments of deep honesty. I like when the facade comes off, when we drop our plastic defenses and admit who we are. I like when people really, really want to be who they are, nerd-style, and learn how to stop caring what others think. In appropriate, non-attention getting ways. I like finding those blessed few people who let you be who you wish you were, if you weren't too afraid you'd be called a nerd. In some sick way, I like not knowing what's coming next in life. I like that God is too big for me to know completely, but simple enough for me to walk and talk with every day. I like that He wants me to walk and talk with Him every day, and that He lets me swear sometimes. I like dignity, honor, compassion, faithfulness, honesty, courage--deep things that don't come out often, but make us who we are...or who we should be.

What three words describe the core of who you are? Good words, not bad ones. They can be the words that you hope describe your core. I hope mine are integrity, truth, courage. I think.

Ever wonder why people can't just be who they want to be? Or why some people wear who they think they are like a t-shirt slogan, even if they're the only ones who believe it? I don't have much tolerance for that, unless they're trapped by lack of confidence into feeling foolish. Culture and scared people do that sometimes, to each other.

Ramblin on the open plains...

Nothing to say, but something should be said. Too much to say, so it all gets jumbled.

I am very tired. Coffee is making it worse.

I am tired of the Vote War. So many people so angrily, vigorously, and adamantly dedicated to the idea that the US, and maybe the rest of the known world, will go to Hell in a Handbasket (does anyone know where that is, exactly?) if we don't elect their candidate. One will tank the economy. ("Sure getting laid off was tough, but now I have my new job without benefits at the new Wal-Mart, and use foodstamps to help soften my budget.") The other will tank our moral fiber. (Are you getting enough moral fiber in your diet?) Why can't we have a multi-party system? Other real countries have them, and they seem to get along fine even with occasional fascist or communist candidates. When you have 20 parties, who cares if some are more or less wacky? It makes me sad that we only have two, and that both of them are wacky. It also makes me sad that Ralph Nader is wacky. He has such good ideas...mostly. If only he could pass as clinically sane...

Ack. I have nothing intelligent to say.

I have been reading the first issues of X-Men ever. They are hokey, but great.

I'm voting Kerry/Edwards. Wacky or not, at least Kim Jong-Il won't be able to sell a nuke to Osama...if he hasn't already. And maybe we'll stop huffing gasoline. And maybe we'll get our jobs back. And maybe...

Pupdate (get it?)

Even busier today that Thursday. But at least the 'net is working again.

One pup left. The natural born one. She seems to be doing much better. She always has been the strongest. Still has another week before it's "out of the woods," but things seem to be improving. It has been nice to have the pup in the house, and stress levels (Sarah's, Ellen's, mine) are marginally decreasing.

So many thoughts and feelings. So little time. C'est la vie, mais non?

May we all RIP

My apologies, all, for not posting more regularly lately. Things have been very, very busy both at work and at home.

Here at work, I'm supposed to be doing the work of two people. We hired somebody, but he doesn't start for another week. All this wouldn't be a problem if the house was less full. I'm finding I don't have enough time to squeeze in all the meetings with residents I'm supposed to be having. But, I am hanging on, and have had some of my best days at work in a long time, for reasons that are unclear to me.

At home, one of our dogs had puppies on Sunday night. It has been horrible and tragic. Seven pups were stillborn, one born naturally, and three born Caesarian. Two of the C-sectioned pups have died in the past two days. Sarah has much of herself (and Ellen does too) wrapped in these pups, and it has been very hard on her/them/us. Lots of no sleep and worry for everyone.

From last post, I actually both baked lemon bars and played Axis & Allies by myself. And I'll probably get to do the same this weekend, since I'm on call again and we still have an elderly man here for whom we'll (I'll) need to keep the shelter open all day. There aren't enough volunteers to cover all the shifts. Anyone care to join me? (I do plan on inviting other residents to play this time, since there are guys who are interested, but didn't know I was going to be here.

Trading Spaces

You may have noticed a few changes here at Squidzaus. No, none of them are for the better, really. And yes, I made them all myself. See, here I sit, at work, on Saturday. There's only one fellow here, and he's sleeping right now. Not me--a fellow other than myself. I haven't quite sunk to that. Although I have sunk to discovering where the colors are in my template. I then set out to discover what colors I might change the original colors. I don't know how to get shades of colors, but I like the glorious 256 look anyway. I'll change it back, I think, when I get the time again. Which, coincidentally, just might be tomorrow afternoon, since I'm keeping the shelter open again then, which means I, on-call staff, get to be here.

Or maybe I'll find some other, newer ways to irreparably make this difficult to read.

I was toying with the ideas of baking lemon bars or playing Axis & Allies Europe by myself. (I brought it to play with people I thought were going to be here.) I still have 2.5 hours to kill. Suggestions?

Stubborn as a Yankee jackass in January

Well, if no one else is going to post anymore, then neither am I. Eight can play at this game.

On a 'bout-time note: has anyone else noticed "Critters" poking it's too-tiny head into the corners of the Athens Insider?

Barph snoggle zous.

Damn, I wish I had something funny to say. I feel like all I ever do is drag the little weblog ring into seriousness. I really don't mean to. I guess I'm only funny if I can make a face or sing a song.

How about some band news? We had our first "practice" this past Wednesday. Interpretation: Greg brought over his drums and hit them while I ran through the songs and Kevin, not having his cello, hummed some celloish bits. This is going to be good, I can just feel it. And to top it all off, superstar guitarist from The Substitutes, Aaron Schlagbaum, is going to be playing with us too. I think we're finally an outfit. I don't really plan on being any good for at least three months (if we can practice regularly those three months), cuz it's going to take time to get used to each other and to develop unified vision.

Oh, what's this? No Critters on Sarah's site for a week? No, that would actually be in absentia for an entire month. What's the point in being a genius if you don't share it with the rest of the world? Harumph.

A moment of silence for the dearly departed at ye old Good Works: Craig, Dave, Kathryn, Kelly, Liz, Geoff. R.I.P., and may God have mercy on your souls. Ye shall be missed.

Oh my dreams are never quite as it seems...

I love dreams like this one right here. I wish I had dreams like that every night. And I'll agree that it sucks when you don't get to use the guns in your dreams. Man, that happens to me all the time--waking up just when the story is getting really good. Last night/this morning I was trying to park a shot-up car into a parking space while people were after me. I don't know why the space was so important, more important than life. Maybe it's some residual fear since the students are starting back next week and that means this town will be overrun again. Back to 20 minutes of trolling uptown for parking.

BTW, Monsterbear is Chris Cantoni.

[This posting was sponsored by Tredegar Industries & the letter 4]