I don't like myself because so strongly do I see the bad and evil things in this living we do--so much more clearly than the good things, which seem fleeting and difficult and overcast by the evil.

"What can men do against such reckless hate?"
-Theodin

This is the last night of my twenties

I feel like I should do something to commemorate the occasion, but I have no clue what to do. The idea I had earlier (which I will most likely follow up on) was to pop out to the Pit Stop and splurge on a bottle of single malt whiskey. Some Irish or Scotch stuff like Oban maybe. Tomorrow Sarah has dog training class, so I'm having a party during Game Night at Brad's house. We'll play games, drink beers, eat snacks, get in the hot tub. The usual. (Well, minus the hot tub.)

I've wanted to mark my 30th birthday with an event ever since I heard that my friend (and now boss) Matt quit smoking on his 30th. Since I don't smoke or drink heavily, I don't really have a vice to give up. But I do have a growing collection of projects that need to be finished, many of which I deeply desire to see to completion. So, to commemorate my birthday, tomorrow night will be the last night I go to Game Night until I have a Squid Games prototype game of my own to play test there. There are three titles that are in the works and could be ready more or less soon. This means I'll be updating the Squid Games blog more often in the next few weeks as well, so you'll be able to check the progress and developments there.

Now, off to get some whiskey.

Generic Update

So, I didn't work today. I was hoping it was going to take much longer for this to happen. I guess we didn't have any inside jobs to do right now, and since it's been raining and muddy...we don't work. This will be easier once I make more money.

I think Sarah and I found some cheapish insurance. Not the best coverage, but at least it's coverage. This way, we can get in car wrecks or break limbs again and have some help paying for it. :D

Also, I've decided that after my 30th birthday is a few weeks, I'm not going back to Game Night until I have a working prototype to bring for a play test session. I really want this to happen, and this is going to be a good way of obtaining the time and motivation to get it done.

I'm a construction worker.

I really like the new job. I really hate going on steep, high roofs. (Fine on high ladders, just not on steep, high roofs.) Started to get the hang of extension ladders. So far, I've dug a bunch of ditches and holes, filled in some of those holes, demolished an old concrete porch, chopped some huge-ass tree roots, shoveled a ton of gravel (maybe more), built a form for a concrete patio slab, framed a closet, scraped and primed a house, mixed some quick crete, installed some roof vents, and painted some window trim. I think that covers it.

I've also toned and slimmed a bit, even in 2 weeks, which is funny because I don't have much fat to trim anyway. And I ate some polish sausage that I bought at the grocery store. It would have been great without the MSG and with a more garlic--just like Dzadza (my grandpa) used to make.

I know I'll have to get on another high, steep roof at some point in this job, but I hope it's not anytime soon. Nice low, shallow ones will suit me just fine. Or even high shallow ones. I'm fine of ladders, even high ones that bounce a little. I guess I'm partially afraid of heights--afraid of the heights that don't offer me any kind of secure foot or hand holds. Which seems perfectly reasonable, except that I work with a bunch of guys that can do this stuff without it being an issue. At any rate, I'll take painting or digging over roofing anyday.

Power tools I've used in the last two weeks of work

circular saw
table saw
pneumatic nail gun
fuel nail gun (Paslode)
hammer drill
cordless drill
sawzall
cement mixer
jackhammer

Placeholder

I'm writing this post because I realized I won't be able to keep up with this blog nearly as well as I did before. Same goes for email, which is maybe more disappointing. But the good news is that I started my new job today, and I really enjoy it. I work with good and enjoyable people. And this job has more potential for advancement than my last one. And the learning curve is longer--I will continue to acquire new skills, and it will take time for those skills to develop. But I am very sad that I am leaving some of the people at my last job behind--it seems weird, but I genuinely love a few of them. That's a bold thing to say, maybe. Now I need to spend some time getting this love out of my heart and into people's lives, or really what's it worth? Not so easy for a nerdish introvert, even one as verbose as I am. :P

All this sentimentality is surely seeping from the hard day's work today and from the recent news that my good friend Aaron will be leaving Athens in a few months. This has been a long time coming, but doesn't make it easier. Sarah can tell you about it, but I've really come to love him and his family. I don't know if he shares the feeling, but I feel very kindred with him.

Also: Hey, thank you for being my friends. For serious.

I'll be getting up some pics of the road trip to Wyoming soon, and giving a report. Maybe Kevin already did that on his blog, I haven't checked yet. It was a good time, and again left me wanting to explore the mountains more. It's a wonderful thing to feel so small, yet to be a part of something so big. Easy to forget that when you're surrounded by civilization and media, you know?

Butterflies

As this day has progressed, the tenseness in my stomach has increased as well. I just wanted to document how odd this feels. It wasn't that big a deal to turn in my notice, but now that the weight of the action sets in--becomes less reversable--I am actively feeling it. Not regret. Excitement. Mixed with subtle apprehensive undertones and a warm wash of inevitability.

I'm certainly stressed about every other area of my life as well right now as well. Things are not coming together as they should, and that's just how it goes. Old employment, vacation, supplemental employment, new employment. My obligations to employers and to others are outweighing my personal plans. I'm disappointed, but not really distraught. Stuff just happens. And I don't really know where my life is going right now anyway, I just want a change. Time to stir the pot, see where things settle.

Keep me in your prayers, eh?

To Whom It May Concern:

Human Resources & Div. of Community Service
Health Recovery Services, Inc.
100 Hospital Drive Suite 2 South
Athens, OH 45701

To Nancy ..., Laura ... and Reggie ...:

I am writing you to officially tender my resignation from my position as Meigs County Prevention Specialist with Health Recovery Services effective Friday, June 29, 2007.

I appreciate the wealth of information on alcohol, tobacco, and other drug use, abuse, and addiction that I have learned during my time here, and I have greatly appreciated the opportunity to be a positive role model for so many Appalachian youth. I have also enjoyed working with exceptionally competent and compassionate co-workers while at the Division of Community Services.

I start employment with Stalwart Construction, on July 2. However, if I may be of assistance during the transition over the summer, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Patrick J. Filipiak

for Paul and Mdawg and the rest of you too

Well, this one is for Sarah.

The rest of you will have to wander around finding your own favorites. It'll be worth your time, if you're in the mood for whimsy and beauty. And cupcakes, I guess. And cute things can be found on this sister site.

You should post a link to your favorites here. (Click the post title to get the separate page to link.) I think this one might be my favorite, but I'm having a very difficult time choosing.

Gen. Update

Ack, nothing to say today. It's been nearly a week, so it's time for another post. Wish the convo from last week would have taken off a bit more, but that's okay. You should watch and vids and share your thoughts. It'll only take a few minutes.

I'm going to have to wait a bit longer to leave this job, it seems. After having several long talks with my former boss at GW, I decided to turn down the position. I do think I could have done the job, but I don't think the timing is right for that move yet. I never got excited about my potential job responsibilities. And my fallback (which I'm now quite looking forward to and don't really consider a fallback) of doing construction for some friends' company isn't progressing just yet either. It seems they've got all the new guys they need for now, so I'll be waiting to get my chance if one of them "doesn't work out." What a great phrase. "Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just not working out."

I got the worship internship position at church I was hoping for! That'll give a slight boost to the finances, and is also exciting to me. It's the main reason I turned down the GW job: I knew I couldn't give my best energy to both, and Central is where my heart is right now.
I start this week--nothing like being thrown into the deep end, eh? :)

Also, my friend Aaron is sick with some sort of non-meningitis meningitis. He's been having headaches for the past several days, but the docs can't figure out what's going on other than it's not meningitis. So, be praying for him and his family.

Also, I'm thinking about putting my first and last name up for viewing, and possibly even my reliable email address. How's that sound? My assumption is that most of you reading this know me personally anyway. Maybe I should get a hit tracker first...

Derren Brown and "instant conversions"

Now here's something worth watching. This guy is a self-proclaimed charlatan who tried to convert a group of atheists to believe in God with a simple touch. Watch both of these short videos, and read the "more" descriptions given on the side, as they'll describe the how the techniques work. Then maybe we can have a conversation here for a bit. :)

Part One

Part Two

A lesson in averting your eyes

Provided for you here, on video.

To myspacers and facebookers. On internetal personal information posting.

Hello.

I am writing more to get another post up than to say anything new. I don't have anything new to say.

So maybe I'll say this. Many of my friends have blogs, facebook, myspace, etc websites and accounts, and post their full names and actual personal information on them. I can't bring myself to do that. Part of it is my natural defensiveness and image control efforts, and part of it is what I'd consider to be healthy skepticism. Yet, like most everybody on earth, I too want to be connected and not left out. Can those of you who use these sites and services give me some feedback on how and why you use them?

PS: I do have this myspace page, but you can see how often and to what extend I'm into it. Also, it took me 10 minutes to find my profile to link to it, even when I searched for my first and last name. Which are rather uncommon. And I don't know why I didn't get some catchy myspace.com/mycoolnamegoeshere type address, just a bunch of numbers. [sigh] Hey, what if I had typed "faceboogers" up there in the title? Hilarious!

Appetite

I was just thinking that we like to eat things that taste good, even if they aren't good for us. Lots of creamy sauces on our entrees (or burritos or calzones in my recent case), rich chocolate desserts, salty foods. When making decisions, eating what tastes good is easier than if it is good for us. We can always go on a temporary diet if we need to, later, to compensate for eating these tasty things now. Marketers know what we're attracted to, and so make foods that appeal to those desires. This just makes it harder to choose a healthier diet.

Maybe we do this with our entertainment too. We eat what tastes good, until we're more than full, without thinking much about how or if it affects us in the long run. After all, nobody develops diabetes or heart disease after one day of eating rich foods, and again, our entertainment is just so...entertaining. And there's so much entertainment out there for us to eat.

Maybe we do this with faith too. We like to eat the bits that taste good, pushing the stuff that might be healthier for us to the other side of the plate. Ignoring the peas and the spinach. Can you get fat and out-of-shape eating only the parts of faith that taste good? I wonder what that looks like.

And of course you can substitute "I" for "we" in all of that above. :) I always feel the press of culture as we push together in certain unintentional directions, and I am just another in that throng.

An interview with me!

Jessi sent me a list of 20 questions awhile back. (For those of you who don't read her blog regularly, this has been a running thing for her for the past week or so - interviewing friends.) I answered them, she posted them. Today, her blog entry counts as mine too. Huzzah! Efficiency! Huzzah! You can read it here.

Feedback is appreciated, assuming you still have your brain. (See yesterday's post if you are unclear about whether you still have your brain.)

Also, I have been very hesitant to post this, but I might have a lead on a new job. Select few of you may already know this. It's all still "secret" and very up in the air, which is part of why I haven't said much of anything to anyone. The new job would be a challenge for me, but that's part of why I'm interested: it would give me more of an opportunity to test and flex my leadership tendencies, and it would be interpersonally challenging as well. Difficult, but I would be doing good work, doing something that matters and working with/for people that want to make a difference. Also, I applied for the worship internship position at church with the same expectations, but well before I had a lead on this other job. There's now some stress related to having several difficult/competing jobs. More news coming soon. (Hopefully.)

Every now and then...

...it's good to be reminded that there are good things in the world.

Today, I really needed this.

Just a Glimpse

http://www.miamiherald.com/467/story/110338.html

I just found out about this today, after reading it on eve-online.com. This sort of thing makes me both sad and happy. I have experienced this, caring for people who are on the (literal) other side of the globe, but people I've never met face-to-face. It's so strange how the world is changing. For all the naughtiness the internet has brought, there is some real good. What are your thoughts?

Nerds unite.

The wheels are rolling...

...let's hope they're still attached to the car.

I'm feeling the urge to do things again. Specifically to make music that I enjoy again, and to develop Squid Games. And other things. All this comes with a sadness, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's realism - I'm the only one that make these things change. There's a bit of isolation mixed in too, being a tad disappointed in these ventures. But the larger momentum comes from the passage of time. I'm not horribly content to just work a job my whole life, coming home grumpy and tired and wishing for something else.

This is my ideal work life: Squid Games takes off, and I sell a few songs here and there, or a few records of my own material. I work out of the Squid Games offices, or my home, keeping my own schedule so that I can take care of our kids and not send them to daycare. I collect a little money on the side from songs, but Squid Games is the bulk of my income, and it's enough to "subsidize" Sarah's dog training business in this low-income area so she doesn't have to work a bunch of part-time jobs. My creative energies are spent making games and developing the company, which is a small boon to our poverty-stricken county. I am able to support my family, repair my home as needed, and still be generous with my money.

What kind of "cool" are you?

For serious, almost anyone out there is trying to be some kind of cool. Yep, even you. Think about your clothes, your hairstyle, your attitudes. Or think about the kind of clothes you wish you had. Think about the kind of people that grab your attention. These are likely not your official role models, but they're the people you find yourself gravitating towards, or the image you desire to represent.

I wish I was an indie rocker. Decidedly independent, captivatingly eccentric, the extroverted introvert. The kind of cool that embodies cool by rejecting it so fully and embracing it so fully. These guys don't worry about paying the bills, because art is more important and bills are meaningless.

Care to confess your cool?

and ALSO

When the hell did Monsterbeard (who has no beard to speak of) start posting like a fiend again?! Christoph, I miss you too, my good friend. Time to refresh your RIP link over there.