How is it that I have entered my late 20's--when the very last vestiges of youth may still be grasped, and adulthood staved off only a few more years before it officially becomes denial--and I still don't know what I'm doing? Is it just a myth that we should all have some internal calling, some sense of "what to do with my life"? This frustrates me.
Some people seem to "get it." They are going places, have direction. And then there are those of us who aren't sure what we "should" be doing, but know we don't want to be doing what we're currently doing. And what is it that I'm doing, anyway? Chasing fanciful visions of creating music as a career, of influencing culture? Or just griping about all the things I'm not doing.
I am envious of go-getters. They don't ask these questions. They just do stuff. What's the point in being an artist if I can't get off my duff and make art.
I like my wife lots. She lets me talk her ear off about these sorts of things at night when I know she'd rather be sleeping. She has a sucky job that starts at 6am. But with her little free time she's working on doing what she wants to do--dog sheltering and training. I play video games, partially because I enjoy them and partially because they distract from the things I'm scared to do.
How does one become brave? Brave enough to try things that are risky without fretting about it all the time? It always feels like I'm jumping off a bridge when I do stuff like that.
1 comment:
Yes, I can relate to that. I lived in Chillicothe for almost three years after graduation because of the same thing. Currently, I have a great script that could launch an awesome screenwriting career but instead of polishing it and sending it out, I come home and watch movies and get on the Internet because I just don't feel like pushing myself anymore after a hard day's work.
--Seth
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