Thanks to all who posted about sex. That conversation is still open and thriving, if you want to check on it from time to time.
Something seemed to come up a few times in the recent discussion, so I figured we could give it it's own thread. What do you think about having sex before getting married, or about the importance of saving it until marriage? I'd like to hear from the Christians in the audience in particular, but everyone and anyone is welcome to post. Talk about your feelings, thoughts, facts, experiences, guidelines...
Same rules for posting apply as before: keep it PG-13. You are more than welcome to post anonymously, but please refer to yourself with a nickname or callsign at least, so we can tell who's who.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
"You sexy thing"
Time to be candid!
What are your thoughts and feelings about [gasp!]: sex. (For you fellow Net Nanniers out there, the phonetic topic here is "seks", spelled with only three letters.)
Open discussion. Anything goes: what you like, don't like, cultural critiques, personal feelings and thoughts, concerns, issues...whatever. Including posting anonymously. In fact, please consider posting anonymously, if it will help you be more honest and real.
Fear not! As long as you're NOT being provocative and it stays PG-13, you stand a good chance of not being censored. ; ) I've been musing on this myself, and invite you to share your musings as well. Be as personal or as distant as you like, but be aware that I'm aiming for 1.honesty and 2.safety. Is it possible to find those things together on the 'net?
Let's see what happens, shall we?
What are your thoughts and feelings about [gasp!]: sex. (For you fellow Net Nanniers out there, the phonetic topic here is "seks", spelled with only three letters.)
Open discussion. Anything goes: what you like, don't like, cultural critiques, personal feelings and thoughts, concerns, issues...whatever. Including posting anonymously. In fact, please consider posting anonymously, if it will help you be more honest and real.
Fear not! As long as you're NOT being provocative and it stays PG-13, you stand a good chance of not being censored. ; ) I've been musing on this myself, and invite you to share your musings as well. Be as personal or as distant as you like, but be aware that I'm aiming for 1.honesty and 2.safety. Is it possible to find those things together on the 'net?
Let's see what happens, shall we?
Cadet Squid, reporting, sir.
The show Saturday night was good. Thanks to all eight of the attendees. I'm surprised you even heard about it. Also, thanks to Geoff Osterland, without whom I don't think anyone at all would have come. Well, except our three wives. I did end up trying to play that newly finished song. Key word words: "trying to." I think over all it will be a good song...when I can either remember all the words or at least read them off the page effectively.
Work is going well. Meaning, most of the scheduled stuff is winding down. It's taking much longer to wind down than I had hoped. I need to unwind, but all these crazy events need to wind down before that can happen.
Ok. Bye.
Work is going well. Meaning, most of the scheduled stuff is winding down. It's taking much longer to wind down than I had hoped. I need to unwind, but all these crazy events need to wind down before that can happen.
Ok. Bye.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Songwriting and musical shows
Last night I saw Brooke Williams and Jake Householder perform. It was very good. I spent much of the time writing stuff down. It seems that the only time I can write lyrics anymore are when I'm hearing other music, live music in particular. Lyrics have not come easily for me for awhile now, so I try to take advantage of every free-flowing opportunity.
Upon arriving home, I started practicing for my own show tonight, seeing as I wouldn't have much other time to do so. I stayed up until 1am finishing a half-song that I've had for a long time. The words at the end always had me stuck. So, now I have an ending. And against my better judgement, I'm going to try to play it tonight. It's weird, because I think I have gotten comfortable playing with a band, but I'm feeling really nervous about performing alone. I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm just noting anxieties I haven't felt in awhile.
In other news, the Ghostrunner Come Home recording is finished. It just needs to be EQ'd and mixed, then posted online somewhere. Soon, faithful friends, soon. And I am really impressed with the sounds we got, considering how quickly we laid everything down.
Upon arriving home, I started practicing for my own show tonight, seeing as I wouldn't have much other time to do so. I stayed up until 1am finishing a half-song that I've had for a long time. The words at the end always had me stuck. So, now I have an ending. And against my better judgement, I'm going to try to play it tonight. It's weird, because I think I have gotten comfortable playing with a band, but I'm feeling really nervous about performing alone. I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm just noting anxieties I haven't felt in awhile.
In other news, the Ghostrunner Come Home recording is finished. It just needs to be EQ'd and mixed, then posted online somewhere. Soon, faithful friends, soon. And I am really impressed with the sounds we got, considering how quickly we laid everything down.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
At Long Last!!
My weblog was down for unknown reasons. And I had things to post. Which I have now forgotten. But I complained thoroughly enough that they fixed it. Who'da thunk I would be that invested in this thing?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
I found this to be fascinating.
This was pretty cool, and sort of funny, yet true to life.
By the way, did any of you play those Star Wars games I posted several posts ago?
By the way, did any of you play those Star Wars games I posted several posts ago?
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
What should I write about?
I seem to have lost my focus. Not surprising. Any suggestions?
BTW, every time I see a request and next to it the words "serious inquiries only!", I am tempted to respond in a very juvenile and less-than-serious manner. I haven't done it yet, but man, when I do...let me tell you, let meeee tell youuuu.
BTW, every time I see a request and next to it the words "serious inquiries only!", I am tempted to respond in a very juvenile and less-than-serious manner. I haven't done it yet, but man, when I do...let me tell you, let meeee tell youuuu.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Biz-E
That's what I have been. And 'tis the reason for my lack of posts. In addition to feeling weird for posting lighter fare posts now that I've purportedly gone all serious.
Tueday was one of the worst days I have ever had. It was bad in that way that becomes funny, because everything seems to go bad. But, it ended with cakes, and that's almost always a good thing.
First, we got a new printer at work. 13+ of us use the same printer. My computer would not print to said printer, for reasons that are even now unclear to me. I tried in vain for an hour to get it to print something that I needed for the next day. It refused. I was starting to feel very much like re-enacting the fax machine scene from Office Space. Normally not a big deal, except that with this week being as crammed full as it was, I needed to make use of all scheduled time for said scheduled activities. And the printer was not allowing me to do so.
One of my coworkers was sick and asked if I could sub for her by going to a school later that afternoon. Not having reliable transportation I was hesitant, but I agreed anyway. I tried really hard to figure out thelogistics in my head, and it seemed to work.
Sooooo, I left for my first program. I needed to drop the van off for Sarah, and my other coworker was supposed to meet me there. She got lost...fifteen minutes lost. We were supposed to be at a school watching some kids. But we weren't, so I called the school and alerted them to our impending lateness.
We were 25 minutes late, and in those 25 minutes, the principal of the middle school had been watching the kids. He was not happy, because he already had to tell them three times to be quiet. He made some threats to end our program for the rest of the year if the kids didn't shape up, then left. I tried in vain three times to get the kids to be quiet as well. Then, we left 10 minutes early because there was no other option. I sent them back to their classes (the ones they were excused from to do our program).
In the parking lot, my coworker's car battery had died. We were supposed to be leaving immediately for the program that I was supposed to be covering for my sick coworker. But instead we were calling AAA for a jump. And calling our office to alert them to our plight.
They sent some other people, and disaster was averted.
After eating lunch and returning to work, I was able to attend a small cake celebration for two coworkers' birthdays. Angelfood cake, strawberries, cool whip. Perhaps my favorite cake?
That day was a funny day.
Tomorrow I have to work at a thing called Kid Fest. It has the potential to be awful, but I will be painting faces. That will be delightful. Except that it's all overtime for me, because I attended 8 hours of defensive driving training today. I was the only one there who was not mandated to be there for an alcohol related offense. It was weird. There were two very nice mullets in the crowd, and mostly a bunch of smart-alecky 20-somethings.
Tueday was one of the worst days I have ever had. It was bad in that way that becomes funny, because everything seems to go bad. But, it ended with cakes, and that's almost always a good thing.
First, we got a new printer at work. 13+ of us use the same printer. My computer would not print to said printer, for reasons that are even now unclear to me. I tried in vain for an hour to get it to print something that I needed for the next day. It refused. I was starting to feel very much like re-enacting the fax machine scene from Office Space. Normally not a big deal, except that with this week being as crammed full as it was, I needed to make use of all scheduled time for said scheduled activities. And the printer was not allowing me to do so.
One of my coworkers was sick and asked if I could sub for her by going to a school later that afternoon. Not having reliable transportation I was hesitant, but I agreed anyway. I tried really hard to figure out thelogistics in my head, and it seemed to work.
Sooooo, I left for my first program. I needed to drop the van off for Sarah, and my other coworker was supposed to meet me there. She got lost...fifteen minutes lost. We were supposed to be at a school watching some kids. But we weren't, so I called the school and alerted them to our impending lateness.
We were 25 minutes late, and in those 25 minutes, the principal of the middle school had been watching the kids. He was not happy, because he already had to tell them three times to be quiet. He made some threats to end our program for the rest of the year if the kids didn't shape up, then left. I tried in vain three times to get the kids to be quiet as well. Then, we left 10 minutes early because there was no other option. I sent them back to their classes (the ones they were excused from to do our program).
In the parking lot, my coworker's car battery had died. We were supposed to be leaving immediately for the program that I was supposed to be covering for my sick coworker. But instead we were calling AAA for a jump. And calling our office to alert them to our plight.
They sent some other people, and disaster was averted.
After eating lunch and returning to work, I was able to attend a small cake celebration for two coworkers' birthdays. Angelfood cake, strawberries, cool whip. Perhaps my favorite cake?
That day was a funny day.
Tomorrow I have to work at a thing called Kid Fest. It has the potential to be awful, but I will be painting faces. That will be delightful. Except that it's all overtime for me, because I attended 8 hours of defensive driving training today. I was the only one there who was not mandated to be there for an alcohol related offense. It was weird. There were two very nice mullets in the crowd, and mostly a bunch of smart-alecky 20-somethings.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Homosexuality is wrong
So, I'm going to take a risk and be honest about my unrefined beliefs and opinions here. Sarah says I'm going to get myself shot. The title is deliberately provocative and only mildly relevant.
Foremost, no matter how long this post ends up being, it will never be a concise container for my thoughts on this subject. I just can't do it. For me, too many things run together when talking about human issues for me to really pull out an intentionally concrete statement. That being the case, consider this more a sketch of my beliefs, rather than their whole.
Also, please understand that I am not trying to be an ass. These are my honest thoughts, and I'm recording them because I feel like they are true, but extremely unpopular right now. I am not intentionally seeking to cheese anyone off.
Homosexuality is not the natural practice that it is being made out to be. What's worse than the act of homosexuality, however, is the current trend to normalize the practice. The Gay Rights movement falls into a much broader and concerning issue...but that's something I have a harder time defining. I'll try. There has been a national--maybe global--trend towards a denial of responsibility for one's actions and condition for the past several decades. Instead of taking personal responsibility for our faults, we blame our upbringing or our genes or or our environment or our society's unappreciation for our uniqueness. This trend can be also seen in mental health issues, in the increasing prevalence and acceptance of obesity, and in our treatment of kids at school.
All this is the product of two things which might actually be the same thing: post-modern thought and radical individualism. It's the idea that no one has the right to define anything as absolutely right or wrong coupled with the notion that, "I won't criticize you as long as you don't criticize me." As a nation our communities and neighborhoods have been breaking down for decades--we don't know each other anymore. As a culture, we don't know our neighbors anymore, and more importantly, our neighbors don't know us. We want to protect and collect our material goods and our private lives, and we don't want the rest of the town to know or comment on our business. This makes room for us to say, "What's mine is mine and is not open to criticism or social regulation." (The paradox is that entertainment and being an entertainer are so highly valued by our culture too.)
People love to reinforce and amplify what they already believe...or what they hope to be true. Feeling rejected by the larger majority of society, groups of like-minded people band together for support and defense. They reinforce their own beliefs, ignoring the criticism of the larger whole, and squelching whatever reservations they may have had about the "acceptability" of their condition (gay, fundamentalist, obese, liberal, goth, conservative, etc.). Once they've quelled their own doubts, they can move towards changing the attitudes of culture at-large, or minimally of standing against it in some form of rebellion or solidarity.
OK. Now to switch gears. I'm not part of the Moral Majority, nor did I vote for Mr. Moral Mandate. That isn't what this is about. But in some ways, it is about those folks too.
I guess what I'd really like to see is TRUE acceptance. Screw "tolerating" people. Why can't we love each other or care about each other enough to accept people for who they are without feeling the need to stay away from criticizing their deeper parts. Why can't that kind of intimate appreciation and concern be a part of acceptance?
My theological and emotional response is that humanity's spirit is quite self-centered and easily corrupted...but I'll save that for some other post.
So, what do you say? Can you appreciate me without agreeing with me? Can you agree with me and still genuinely care for others outside your familiar realm? Do you have feedback for me concerning those two questions?
Foremost, no matter how long this post ends up being, it will never be a concise container for my thoughts on this subject. I just can't do it. For me, too many things run together when talking about human issues for me to really pull out an intentionally concrete statement. That being the case, consider this more a sketch of my beliefs, rather than their whole.
Also, please understand that I am not trying to be an ass. These are my honest thoughts, and I'm recording them because I feel like they are true, but extremely unpopular right now. I am not intentionally seeking to cheese anyone off.
Homosexuality is not the natural practice that it is being made out to be. What's worse than the act of homosexuality, however, is the current trend to normalize the practice. The Gay Rights movement falls into a much broader and concerning issue...but that's something I have a harder time defining. I'll try. There has been a national--maybe global--trend towards a denial of responsibility for one's actions and condition for the past several decades. Instead of taking personal responsibility for our faults, we blame our upbringing or our genes or or our environment or our society's unappreciation for our uniqueness. This trend can be also seen in mental health issues, in the increasing prevalence and acceptance of obesity, and in our treatment of kids at school.
All this is the product of two things which might actually be the same thing: post-modern thought and radical individualism. It's the idea that no one has the right to define anything as absolutely right or wrong coupled with the notion that, "I won't criticize you as long as you don't criticize me." As a nation our communities and neighborhoods have been breaking down for decades--we don't know each other anymore. As a culture, we don't know our neighbors anymore, and more importantly, our neighbors don't know us. We want to protect and collect our material goods and our private lives, and we don't want the rest of the town to know or comment on our business. This makes room for us to say, "What's mine is mine and is not open to criticism or social regulation." (The paradox is that entertainment and being an entertainer are so highly valued by our culture too.)
People love to reinforce and amplify what they already believe...or what they hope to be true. Feeling rejected by the larger majority of society, groups of like-minded people band together for support and defense. They reinforce their own beliefs, ignoring the criticism of the larger whole, and squelching whatever reservations they may have had about the "acceptability" of their condition (gay, fundamentalist, obese, liberal, goth, conservative, etc.). Once they've quelled their own doubts, they can move towards changing the attitudes of culture at-large, or minimally of standing against it in some form of rebellion or solidarity.
OK. Now to switch gears. I'm not part of the Moral Majority, nor did I vote for Mr. Moral Mandate. That isn't what this is about. But in some ways, it is about those folks too.
I guess what I'd really like to see is TRUE acceptance. Screw "tolerating" people. Why can't we love each other or care about each other enough to accept people for who they are without feeling the need to stay away from criticizing their deeper parts. Why can't that kind of intimate appreciation and concern be a part of acceptance?
My theological and emotional response is that humanity's spirit is quite self-centered and easily corrupted...but I'll save that for some other post.
So, what do you say? Can you appreciate me without agreeing with me? Can you agree with me and still genuinely care for others outside your familiar realm? Do you have feedback for me concerning those two questions?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Some cool games
Okay, so this isn't very serious either, but I am getting surprisingly excited about the upcoming release of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, heretothereafter referred to as Sith. On an up note, I won a $10 gift card for Wal-Mart today as an incentive for coming to Lunch Bunch trainings at my workplace. In addition to getting a delicious and free lunch every Wednesday, there were doorprizes today to celebrate the last day. I plan on using it to buy another lightsaber. I already have a blue on (courtesy of Mindy Backus), and I will soon own either a green or purple one. If you have to ask, then it's not really worth explaining.
Also, I stumbled upon these games. Whether or not you like Star Wars or skittles, you should play them. Go to the "5 in 1 Games!" or something like that. They have two good puzzle type games, a memory game, one great side-scroller, and even a 3-D flash game of some sort. I wasn't very good at that one. All Star Wars themed. You have to register to play the games, but I'll never tell anyone if you supply bogus info.
In other news, I wish my job paid more, because I think I would really like it if the benefits were better. As is, it is not a job on which I could raise a family. Well, and keep my present social class. Or my current lack of gov't welfare recipiency. Not that I wouldn't take it if I had to, but in theory I shouldn't have to, see. College degree and all that.
Also, I stumbled upon these games. Whether or not you like Star Wars or skittles, you should play them. Go to the "5 in 1 Games!" or something like that. They have two good puzzle type games, a memory game, one great side-scroller, and even a 3-D flash game of some sort. I wasn't very good at that one. All Star Wars themed. You have to register to play the games, but I'll never tell anyone if you supply bogus info.
In other news, I wish my job paid more, because I think I would really like it if the benefits were better. As is, it is not a job on which I could raise a family. Well, and keep my present social class. Or my current lack of gov't welfare recipiency. Not that I wouldn't take it if I had to, but in theory I shouldn't have to, see. College degree and all that.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Bobbing
I had all this build-up in that last post...and I've been at a loss as to how to follow it up. This is more of a filler to let you know I'm still alive. I've been crazy busy at work this week (the busiest week of our whole work year, I'm told), and just finished TI camp this weekend. TI is Teen Institute, and I think I'll actually write about it later this week when I'm not pining for sleep. See, I was a Dorm Dad this weekend with over 80 7th-12th graders attending. 'Nuff said.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Changing the Purpose of Squidzaus
I have been considering for awhile whether I should start posting real, honest thoughts and feelings here. Instead of the tempered, socially appropriate stuff that normally makes it in here--you know, being considerate of the thoughts, opinions, and ideas of others, and all that other socially appropriate and sensitive stuff (now I'm repeating myself). In general, I think it is unwise and foolish to post a journal or "weblog" of a truly personal nature online. You never really know who is going to read it or how they might interpret it. You can change, negate, or eliminate friendships that way sometimes, when people piece together that you are not who they thought you were.
I think I'm going to try it anyway. I know some things about me, or I think I know some things about me. The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it? I want to test those things by subjecting them to you, whoever you are. I am hesitant to do this because I recognize that it can be exhibitionistic. (That's my chief reason against having a true "online journal" rather than a private, paper one: many people use their disclosure as a means to synthetic intimacy. Which is very, very different from posting a very personal revelation from time to time. I'm talking about all intimacy, all the time! K99.7FM!)
Maybe what I am trying to say is that I am going to be intentionally exhibitionistic as an experiment, but not in an attempt to get your attention, sympathy, or reaction necessarily. I'm going to stop using soft language ("You were using soft language before?"), and I'm going to try to hit on what makes me, me. I don't have real people in my life in real ways who 1. know me truly enough or 2. have the courage to say something to me. (Sarah is exempt from that last statement, maybe others. Defend yourself.) So, I'm going on display. I am tired of some of the dark corners of my life--the things I suspect that people (maybe you) see, but don't mention to me. And maybe it is entirely my fault for waiting for soemone else to mention what I already supect is there. In many ways, that is very true.
Here's what I'm saying in brass tacks. I am desperately wanting to figure some things out: about the way I work, about who I "am", and about how I come off to most of the rest of the world. I have been a naive dork my whole life. This makes me proud and ashamed.
I will most likely offend some people, if I haven't already. That is not my outright intent at all. I am inviting you to know and comment on some of the gritty stuff that is usually very awkward to talk about in person. (ex: "Has anyone ever told you you're kind of arrogant? You've hurt me a few times by doing/saying...") What I am asking is that if you have an issue, problem, or complaint against me, please DO NOT post it as a comment. EMAIL ME INSTEAD
secretninjaattack@yahoo.com
If you have any of my other email accounts, you can write to any of them as well. You can certainly still post comments on this site if they are general or clarifying...not personal or specific. Capice?
In truth, this whole concept is probably about one thing: sometimes we are slow to clear the air. (My self included.) It is a very scary thing to do, or even think about. We don't think it's a big enough deal, we think we weren't hurt that bad, or we just don't know how to approach the tender subjects. (What if she gets mad and doesn't like me anymore?) I am afraid that I have hurt some people, but I am more afraid that I will continue to hurt other people because I cannot currently recognize the scope of my actions, nor can I currently see another way to be.
I really don't know what might come out of all of this. I guess we'll wait and see. So it begins.
I think I'm going to try it anyway. I know some things about me, or I think I know some things about me. The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it? I want to test those things by subjecting them to you, whoever you are. I am hesitant to do this because I recognize that it can be exhibitionistic. (That's my chief reason against having a true "online journal" rather than a private, paper one: many people use their disclosure as a means to synthetic intimacy. Which is very, very different from posting a very personal revelation from time to time. I'm talking about all intimacy, all the time! K99.7FM!)
Maybe what I am trying to say is that I am going to be intentionally exhibitionistic as an experiment, but not in an attempt to get your attention, sympathy, or reaction necessarily. I'm going to stop using soft language ("You were using soft language before?"), and I'm going to try to hit on what makes me, me. I don't have real people in my life in real ways who 1. know me truly enough or 2. have the courage to say something to me. (Sarah is exempt from that last statement, maybe others. Defend yourself.) So, I'm going on display. I am tired of some of the dark corners of my life--the things I suspect that people (maybe you) see, but don't mention to me. And maybe it is entirely my fault for waiting for soemone else to mention what I already supect is there. In many ways, that is very true.
Here's what I'm saying in brass tacks. I am desperately wanting to figure some things out: about the way I work, about who I "am", and about how I come off to most of the rest of the world. I have been a naive dork my whole life. This makes me proud and ashamed.
I will most likely offend some people, if I haven't already. That is not my outright intent at all. I am inviting you to know and comment on some of the gritty stuff that is usually very awkward to talk about in person. (ex: "Has anyone ever told you you're kind of arrogant? You've hurt me a few times by doing/saying...") What I am asking is that if you have an issue, problem, or complaint against me, please DO NOT post it as a comment. EMAIL ME INSTEAD
secretninjaattack@yahoo.com
If you have any of my other email accounts, you can write to any of them as well. You can certainly still post comments on this site if they are general or clarifying...not personal or specific. Capice?
In truth, this whole concept is probably about one thing: sometimes we are slow to clear the air. (My self included.) It is a very scary thing to do, or even think about. We don't think it's a big enough deal, we think we weren't hurt that bad, or we just don't know how to approach the tender subjects. (What if she gets mad and doesn't like me anymore?) I am afraid that I have hurt some people, but I am more afraid that I will continue to hurt other people because I cannot currently recognize the scope of my actions, nor can I currently see another way to be.
I really don't know what might come out of all of this. I guess we'll wait and see. So it begins.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Monday, April 04, 2005
A smattering
I separated the links on the side for my own benefit. It doesn't mean much, if anything. I'm tempted to put them into some preferential order of my personal enjoyment, but I don't for fear of stirring up jealousy, which would be silly.
I saw Sin City tonight. It made me sad. Stylistically, I thought is was very, very cool. But I thought the content was not so good. I don't want to seem like a prude, but ### and violence always bothers me in movies, but particularly if the point of the movie is just entertainment. (Which is distinguished, in my mind at least, from movies that convey a message or meaning.) (And I recognize that a "message or meaning" can be very subjective.) I guess I'm saying that Sin City looked really cool and would have been cool, had it not been for the coarse themes. I couldn't help but think that this movie would be appreciated by folks who are already on the border of sanity and anti-social behavior. To many people worship darkness in one form or another, and dark movies that celebrate those things just make people worse, not better. In my opinion. Not that this was one of those movies, necessarily. I'm stopping now, because I'm rambling.
The Ghostrunner COme Home show went very well on Friday night. THANK YOU to everyone who came out to see us. (Or The Substitutes)
I've been doing better spiritually. If you know me well enough to consider yourself part of my "team" (see analogies from previous post on discipline), then please ask me if I've been coming to practice. I would very much like to get into the habit of asking people how they have been doing as well.
In terms of a movie that is incredibly violent and horrible but still has incredible merit, I highly recommend The Pianist. It does not glorify or exaggerate violence in any way. I feel it is the most real portrayal of what people can do to other people that I have ever seen. It has human evil and human good in it. I've only seen in once, but I would risk seeing it again if someone wanted to watch it.
I saw Sin City tonight. It made me sad. Stylistically, I thought is was very, very cool. But I thought the content was not so good. I don't want to seem like a prude, but ### and violence always bothers me in movies, but particularly if the point of the movie is just entertainment. (Which is distinguished, in my mind at least, from movies that convey a message or meaning.) (And I recognize that a "message or meaning" can be very subjective.) I guess I'm saying that Sin City looked really cool and would have been cool, had it not been for the coarse themes. I couldn't help but think that this movie would be appreciated by folks who are already on the border of sanity and anti-social behavior. To many people worship darkness in one form or another, and dark movies that celebrate those things just make people worse, not better. In my opinion. Not that this was one of those movies, necessarily. I'm stopping now, because I'm rambling.
The Ghostrunner COme Home show went very well on Friday night. THANK YOU to everyone who came out to see us. (Or The Substitutes)
I've been doing better spiritually. If you know me well enough to consider yourself part of my "team" (see analogies from previous post on discipline), then please ask me if I've been coming to practice. I would very much like to get into the habit of asking people how they have been doing as well.
In terms of a movie that is incredibly violent and horrible but still has incredible merit, I highly recommend The Pianist. It does not glorify or exaggerate violence in any way. I feel it is the most real portrayal of what people can do to other people that I have ever seen. It has human evil and human good in it. I've only seen in once, but I would risk seeing it again if someone wanted to watch it.
Monday, March 28, 2005
SHOW THIS FRIDAY
Ghostrunner Come Home has a show this FRIDAY at 9pm at Donkey Coffee. We'll be playing with The Substitutes. We're the opener, they're the closer. You should come see. It'll be great, in particular because The 'Tutes will have something special planned for April Fool's, I'm sure. And tell your friends.
Discipline thoughts
I haven't read the Bible for about 2 months, maybe more. That doesn't count the few verses that I read out of the little devotional for Lent...which I haven't read for 2 weeks. I'm meaning that I haven't read anything substantial for a long time. It hit me when I was laying in bed last night. I was trying to figure out why I tend to wander back to the same doubts from time to time. Nothing serious--in magnitude anyway, more in content--just questioning the authenticity of Jesus (on Easter?!). Stuff like this comes at me every once in a while, when I've not had much connection with God for an extended period of time. In this case, I'd say it's been half a year, probably longer. My desire to "do the faith disciplines" wanes, and before I know it I'm no longer praying or reading...mostly because I just don't feel like it. I have a tendency to do the dishes at my house the same way: I do them if I feel like it, and don't do them if I don't feel like it. Then, I'm stuck with a sink full of dishes and some bitterness and resentment (towards whom?) as to how they got there. There's a metaphor in there, I just know it. ; )
Anyway, I am having a very hard time being disciplined. I am not a very disciplined person, as a whole. By "disciplined," I mean regimented, structured, habitual, steady and stable. For me, the same pattern of Bible-reading and dish washing applies to physical fitness and friendship maintenance. I really don't want to be this way.
The only times I really remember being disciplined in something (and feeling great about it, in fact) was during HS in cross country and track, and again when I was lifting weights with Adam Z for a year or more a few years ago. In both of these cases, there were other people to whom my participation mattered: not just because they'd miss me if I wasn't there or because I'd miss some lesson they had to teach, but because they couldn't perform to their best if I wasn't there, and I likewise. Adam helped motivate me to get to the gym when I didn't want to go, because even if I just wanted to whine and wimp out, he still needed a lifting partner that was going to push him to his limit. And my teammates needed me to, well, be part of the team and give them my best performance as an individual so that our team scores were as high as they could be. And also to demonstrate to them that how they did was also important to me--to encourage them to do better.
As I type all this, I'm wondering: to whom does it matter whether I pray and read? In my life, is there anyone who even knows how I'm doing, i.e., who notices and checks up on me when I "miss practice" or give my excuse for why I "don't feel like lifting today"? [That's rhetorical] In a practical sense, it doesn't matter enough to God for Him to intervene...at least not in a way that He expresses to me/us the way a friend can call me/us on the phone, and He doesn't need my participation necessarily. It obviously doesn't matter enough to me personally for me to change it--no matter how I try or how bad I feel, I can't seem to establish lasting habits (meaningful or mundane).
It's tempting, much like with dirty dishes, to become bitter and blame other people...or "Christian culture," or "lack of community." But I know that in real, honest truth those aren't the culprits. However, I haven't found any answer in myself either. And that leaves me where I am: with a pile of dirty dishes and an out-of-shape body. Quite capable of doing a hard workout once or twice. More than capable of making the kitchen sink sparkle like new. But incapable of doing these things on a continual basis.
Anyway, I am having a very hard time being disciplined. I am not a very disciplined person, as a whole. By "disciplined," I mean regimented, structured, habitual, steady and stable. For me, the same pattern of Bible-reading and dish washing applies to physical fitness and friendship maintenance. I really don't want to be this way.
The only times I really remember being disciplined in something (and feeling great about it, in fact) was during HS in cross country and track, and again when I was lifting weights with Adam Z for a year or more a few years ago. In both of these cases, there were other people to whom my participation mattered: not just because they'd miss me if I wasn't there or because I'd miss some lesson they had to teach, but because they couldn't perform to their best if I wasn't there, and I likewise. Adam helped motivate me to get to the gym when I didn't want to go, because even if I just wanted to whine and wimp out, he still needed a lifting partner that was going to push him to his limit. And my teammates needed me to, well, be part of the team and give them my best performance as an individual so that our team scores were as high as they could be. And also to demonstrate to them that how they did was also important to me--to encourage them to do better.
As I type all this, I'm wondering: to whom does it matter whether I pray and read? In my life, is there anyone who even knows how I'm doing, i.e., who notices and checks up on me when I "miss practice" or give my excuse for why I "don't feel like lifting today"? [That's rhetorical] In a practical sense, it doesn't matter enough to God for Him to intervene...at least not in a way that He expresses to me/us the way a friend can call me/us on the phone, and He doesn't need my participation necessarily. It obviously doesn't matter enough to me personally for me to change it--no matter how I try or how bad I feel, I can't seem to establish lasting habits (meaningful or mundane).
It's tempting, much like with dirty dishes, to become bitter and blame other people...or "Christian culture," or "lack of community." But I know that in real, honest truth those aren't the culprits. However, I haven't found any answer in myself either. And that leaves me where I am: with a pile of dirty dishes and an out-of-shape body. Quite capable of doing a hard workout once or twice. More than capable of making the kitchen sink sparkle like new. But incapable of doing these things on a continual basis.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Enunciation and/or pronunciation and/or diction
Take your pick. I don't think I really ever learned the difference.
As you may know, I now work in prevention. That means, I try to prevent things from happening. Specific things, such as the prevention of alcohol, drug, and tobacco use by children. My coworkers all work in prevention as well. As such, the campus upon which our prevention offices are located (the psych hospital building, remember?) will be going completely "tobacco-free" in July. That means smoking won't be allowed anywhere on the property, not even if you go smoke in your car in the parking lot. As such, my workplace is launching a help program to help smokers quit in advance of the prescribed smoking ban.
This is all well and good, except that my boss keeps calling it a "sensation" program. She means, of course, "cessation." But, she keeps talking about the tobacco sensation program. She mentioned the tobacco sensation program several times in staff meeting today, in relation to any smokers who might want to take advantage of the tobacco sensation programs that will soon be offered. Needless to say, talking about any sort of sensation--but particularly an incorrect sort of one--makes it hard for me to keep a straight face in a staff meeting. Particularly when it's a 2-hour-turned-3-hour meeting which could have been a productive one, had the necessary preparations been done outside, rather than inside, the meeting.
As you may know, I now work in prevention. That means, I try to prevent things from happening. Specific things, such as the prevention of alcohol, drug, and tobacco use by children. My coworkers all work in prevention as well. As such, the campus upon which our prevention offices are located (the psych hospital building, remember?) will be going completely "tobacco-free" in July. That means smoking won't be allowed anywhere on the property, not even if you go smoke in your car in the parking lot. As such, my workplace is launching a help program to help smokers quit in advance of the prescribed smoking ban.
This is all well and good, except that my boss keeps calling it a "sensation" program. She means, of course, "cessation." But, she keeps talking about the tobacco sensation program. She mentioned the tobacco sensation program several times in staff meeting today, in relation to any smokers who might want to take advantage of the tobacco sensation programs that will soon be offered. Needless to say, talking about any sort of sensation--but particularly an incorrect sort of one--makes it hard for me to keep a straight face in a staff meeting. Particularly when it's a 2-hour-turned-3-hour meeting which could have been a productive one, had the necessary preparations been done outside, rather than inside, the meeting.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Make me know your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and I wait for you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days inprosperity,
and his decendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Make me know your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and I wait for you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days inprosperity,
and his decendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
State of the Job Address
Day 8: I still like it. It is very weird to work almost exclusively with women. Mostly young women. It is also weird to work with an almost brand new staff. I hear there are only a few people in DCS (Division of Community Services) who have been there longer than 2 years.
I got a new chair my first day there. Not bad. Won it in the "chair lottery". My old one was easily one of the worst (leaned to the left), so there really was no competition. Also had a potluck lunch my first day.
I am legit as of last week: got my keys and name badge.
I share my office with my SIG (State Initiative Grant) partner, Tanja. She's the coordinator of the grant, I'm the implementer. She is too, but she also coordinates. We have a bathroom in our office. So does everyone else, but that doesn't make it less weird. Our office is in part of a psychiatric hospital, so our offices were originally intended to be patient rooms. The other day I was barred from using our bathroom by my coworker for unknown reasons. It was a girl thing of some sort, I figure, because there were other girls in the room with her and they were obviously "in" on the passing events. I, alas, was not. There was laughter among them.
There is a man who wanders around the hospital downstairs and talks to people who walk by the reception area. He is one of the patients at the hospital. I hear he has become somewhat "affectionate" towards some of the young ladies lately. He also wanted to take my photomosaic of Jedi Master Yoda this morning. (He didn't. It's now hanging in my office.) Other than these incidents, he seems like a decent guy.
Tomorrow I will work a 12 hour shift. The only upsides to this are that we are having another potluck lunch (another retirement lunch--the one last week was for a woman who left working to become a stay-home mom), and that I only have to work 5 hours (possibly less) on Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out policies and protocols. Still haven't received anything formal. Not even a code of conduct. Not entirely true: I can't use alcohol while on the clock because HRS is abstinence-based. That's all I know, other than no jeans or open-toed shoes. In a few months I might start pressing my luck. (With attire, not alcohol.) We'll see.
Had a TB test yesterday. The nurse (a dude) didn't give me a bandaid and I ended up bleeding on my white dress shirt. I got it out, but was a little miffed. He's otherwise a nice guy. I'm supposed to get Hep B vaccines too, but not until I'm an official employee. That is also when the random drug screenings begin.
The goat started yesterday. You won't even notice it for another two weeks.
I got a new chair my first day there. Not bad. Won it in the "chair lottery". My old one was easily one of the worst (leaned to the left), so there really was no competition. Also had a potluck lunch my first day.
I am legit as of last week: got my keys and name badge.
I share my office with my SIG (State Initiative Grant) partner, Tanja. She's the coordinator of the grant, I'm the implementer. She is too, but she also coordinates. We have a bathroom in our office. So does everyone else, but that doesn't make it less weird. Our office is in part of a psychiatric hospital, so our offices were originally intended to be patient rooms. The other day I was barred from using our bathroom by my coworker for unknown reasons. It was a girl thing of some sort, I figure, because there were other girls in the room with her and they were obviously "in" on the passing events. I, alas, was not. There was laughter among them.
There is a man who wanders around the hospital downstairs and talks to people who walk by the reception area. He is one of the patients at the hospital. I hear he has become somewhat "affectionate" towards some of the young ladies lately. He also wanted to take my photomosaic of Jedi Master Yoda this morning. (He didn't. It's now hanging in my office.) Other than these incidents, he seems like a decent guy.
Tomorrow I will work a 12 hour shift. The only upsides to this are that we are having another potluck lunch (another retirement lunch--the one last week was for a woman who left working to become a stay-home mom), and that I only have to work 5 hours (possibly less) on Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out policies and protocols. Still haven't received anything formal. Not even a code of conduct. Not entirely true: I can't use alcohol while on the clock because HRS is abstinence-based. That's all I know, other than no jeans or open-toed shoes. In a few months I might start pressing my luck. (With attire, not alcohol.) We'll see.
Had a TB test yesterday. The nurse (a dude) didn't give me a bandaid and I ended up bleeding on my white dress shirt. I got it out, but was a little miffed. He's otherwise a nice guy. I'm supposed to get Hep B vaccines too, but not until I'm an official employee. That is also when the random drug screenings begin.
The goat started yesterday. You won't even notice it for another two weeks.
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