Monday, March 28, 2005
SHOW THIS FRIDAY
Ghostrunner Come Home has a show this FRIDAY at 9pm at Donkey Coffee. We'll be playing with The Substitutes. We're the opener, they're the closer. You should come see. It'll be great, in particular because The 'Tutes will have something special planned for April Fool's, I'm sure. And tell your friends.
Discipline thoughts
I haven't read the Bible for about 2 months, maybe more. That doesn't count the few verses that I read out of the little devotional for Lent...which I haven't read for 2 weeks. I'm meaning that I haven't read anything substantial for a long time. It hit me when I was laying in bed last night. I was trying to figure out why I tend to wander back to the same doubts from time to time. Nothing serious--in magnitude anyway, more in content--just questioning the authenticity of Jesus (on Easter?!). Stuff like this comes at me every once in a while, when I've not had much connection with God for an extended period of time. In this case, I'd say it's been half a year, probably longer. My desire to "do the faith disciplines" wanes, and before I know it I'm no longer praying or reading...mostly because I just don't feel like it. I have a tendency to do the dishes at my house the same way: I do them if I feel like it, and don't do them if I don't feel like it. Then, I'm stuck with a sink full of dishes and some bitterness and resentment (towards whom?) as to how they got there. There's a metaphor in there, I just know it. ; )
Anyway, I am having a very hard time being disciplined. I am not a very disciplined person, as a whole. By "disciplined," I mean regimented, structured, habitual, steady and stable. For me, the same pattern of Bible-reading and dish washing applies to physical fitness and friendship maintenance. I really don't want to be this way.
The only times I really remember being disciplined in something (and feeling great about it, in fact) was during HS in cross country and track, and again when I was lifting weights with Adam Z for a year or more a few years ago. In both of these cases, there were other people to whom my participation mattered: not just because they'd miss me if I wasn't there or because I'd miss some lesson they had to teach, but because they couldn't perform to their best if I wasn't there, and I likewise. Adam helped motivate me to get to the gym when I didn't want to go, because even if I just wanted to whine and wimp out, he still needed a lifting partner that was going to push him to his limit. And my teammates needed me to, well, be part of the team and give them my best performance as an individual so that our team scores were as high as they could be. And also to demonstrate to them that how they did was also important to me--to encourage them to do better.
As I type all this, I'm wondering: to whom does it matter whether I pray and read? In my life, is there anyone who even knows how I'm doing, i.e., who notices and checks up on me when I "miss practice" or give my excuse for why I "don't feel like lifting today"? [That's rhetorical] In a practical sense, it doesn't matter enough to God for Him to intervene...at least not in a way that He expresses to me/us the way a friend can call me/us on the phone, and He doesn't need my participation necessarily. It obviously doesn't matter enough to me personally for me to change it--no matter how I try or how bad I feel, I can't seem to establish lasting habits (meaningful or mundane).
It's tempting, much like with dirty dishes, to become bitter and blame other people...or "Christian culture," or "lack of community." But I know that in real, honest truth those aren't the culprits. However, I haven't found any answer in myself either. And that leaves me where I am: with a pile of dirty dishes and an out-of-shape body. Quite capable of doing a hard workout once or twice. More than capable of making the kitchen sink sparkle like new. But incapable of doing these things on a continual basis.
Anyway, I am having a very hard time being disciplined. I am not a very disciplined person, as a whole. By "disciplined," I mean regimented, structured, habitual, steady and stable. For me, the same pattern of Bible-reading and dish washing applies to physical fitness and friendship maintenance. I really don't want to be this way.
The only times I really remember being disciplined in something (and feeling great about it, in fact) was during HS in cross country and track, and again when I was lifting weights with Adam Z for a year or more a few years ago. In both of these cases, there were other people to whom my participation mattered: not just because they'd miss me if I wasn't there or because I'd miss some lesson they had to teach, but because they couldn't perform to their best if I wasn't there, and I likewise. Adam helped motivate me to get to the gym when I didn't want to go, because even if I just wanted to whine and wimp out, he still needed a lifting partner that was going to push him to his limit. And my teammates needed me to, well, be part of the team and give them my best performance as an individual so that our team scores were as high as they could be. And also to demonstrate to them that how they did was also important to me--to encourage them to do better.
As I type all this, I'm wondering: to whom does it matter whether I pray and read? In my life, is there anyone who even knows how I'm doing, i.e., who notices and checks up on me when I "miss practice" or give my excuse for why I "don't feel like lifting today"? [That's rhetorical] In a practical sense, it doesn't matter enough to God for Him to intervene...at least not in a way that He expresses to me/us the way a friend can call me/us on the phone, and He doesn't need my participation necessarily. It obviously doesn't matter enough to me personally for me to change it--no matter how I try or how bad I feel, I can't seem to establish lasting habits (meaningful or mundane).
It's tempting, much like with dirty dishes, to become bitter and blame other people...or "Christian culture," or "lack of community." But I know that in real, honest truth those aren't the culprits. However, I haven't found any answer in myself either. And that leaves me where I am: with a pile of dirty dishes and an out-of-shape body. Quite capable of doing a hard workout once or twice. More than capable of making the kitchen sink sparkle like new. But incapable of doing these things on a continual basis.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Enunciation and/or pronunciation and/or diction
Take your pick. I don't think I really ever learned the difference.
As you may know, I now work in prevention. That means, I try to prevent things from happening. Specific things, such as the prevention of alcohol, drug, and tobacco use by children. My coworkers all work in prevention as well. As such, the campus upon which our prevention offices are located (the psych hospital building, remember?) will be going completely "tobacco-free" in July. That means smoking won't be allowed anywhere on the property, not even if you go smoke in your car in the parking lot. As such, my workplace is launching a help program to help smokers quit in advance of the prescribed smoking ban.
This is all well and good, except that my boss keeps calling it a "sensation" program. She means, of course, "cessation." But, she keeps talking about the tobacco sensation program. She mentioned the tobacco sensation program several times in staff meeting today, in relation to any smokers who might want to take advantage of the tobacco sensation programs that will soon be offered. Needless to say, talking about any sort of sensation--but particularly an incorrect sort of one--makes it hard for me to keep a straight face in a staff meeting. Particularly when it's a 2-hour-turned-3-hour meeting which could have been a productive one, had the necessary preparations been done outside, rather than inside, the meeting.
As you may know, I now work in prevention. That means, I try to prevent things from happening. Specific things, such as the prevention of alcohol, drug, and tobacco use by children. My coworkers all work in prevention as well. As such, the campus upon which our prevention offices are located (the psych hospital building, remember?) will be going completely "tobacco-free" in July. That means smoking won't be allowed anywhere on the property, not even if you go smoke in your car in the parking lot. As such, my workplace is launching a help program to help smokers quit in advance of the prescribed smoking ban.
This is all well and good, except that my boss keeps calling it a "sensation" program. She means, of course, "cessation." But, she keeps talking about the tobacco sensation program. She mentioned the tobacco sensation program several times in staff meeting today, in relation to any smokers who might want to take advantage of the tobacco sensation programs that will soon be offered. Needless to say, talking about any sort of sensation--but particularly an incorrect sort of one--makes it hard for me to keep a straight face in a staff meeting. Particularly when it's a 2-hour-turned-3-hour meeting which could have been a productive one, had the necessary preparations been done outside, rather than inside, the meeting.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Make me know your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and I wait for you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days inprosperity,
and his decendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Make me know your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and I wait for you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days inprosperity,
and his decendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
State of the Job Address
Day 8: I still like it. It is very weird to work almost exclusively with women. Mostly young women. It is also weird to work with an almost brand new staff. I hear there are only a few people in DCS (Division of Community Services) who have been there longer than 2 years.
I got a new chair my first day there. Not bad. Won it in the "chair lottery". My old one was easily one of the worst (leaned to the left), so there really was no competition. Also had a potluck lunch my first day.
I am legit as of last week: got my keys and name badge.
I share my office with my SIG (State Initiative Grant) partner, Tanja. She's the coordinator of the grant, I'm the implementer. She is too, but she also coordinates. We have a bathroom in our office. So does everyone else, but that doesn't make it less weird. Our office is in part of a psychiatric hospital, so our offices were originally intended to be patient rooms. The other day I was barred from using our bathroom by my coworker for unknown reasons. It was a girl thing of some sort, I figure, because there were other girls in the room with her and they were obviously "in" on the passing events. I, alas, was not. There was laughter among them.
There is a man who wanders around the hospital downstairs and talks to people who walk by the reception area. He is one of the patients at the hospital. I hear he has become somewhat "affectionate" towards some of the young ladies lately. He also wanted to take my photomosaic of Jedi Master Yoda this morning. (He didn't. It's now hanging in my office.) Other than these incidents, he seems like a decent guy.
Tomorrow I will work a 12 hour shift. The only upsides to this are that we are having another potluck lunch (another retirement lunch--the one last week was for a woman who left working to become a stay-home mom), and that I only have to work 5 hours (possibly less) on Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out policies and protocols. Still haven't received anything formal. Not even a code of conduct. Not entirely true: I can't use alcohol while on the clock because HRS is abstinence-based. That's all I know, other than no jeans or open-toed shoes. In a few months I might start pressing my luck. (With attire, not alcohol.) We'll see.
Had a TB test yesterday. The nurse (a dude) didn't give me a bandaid and I ended up bleeding on my white dress shirt. I got it out, but was a little miffed. He's otherwise a nice guy. I'm supposed to get Hep B vaccines too, but not until I'm an official employee. That is also when the random drug screenings begin.
The goat started yesterday. You won't even notice it for another two weeks.
I got a new chair my first day there. Not bad. Won it in the "chair lottery". My old one was easily one of the worst (leaned to the left), so there really was no competition. Also had a potluck lunch my first day.
I am legit as of last week: got my keys and name badge.
I share my office with my SIG (State Initiative Grant) partner, Tanja. She's the coordinator of the grant, I'm the implementer. She is too, but she also coordinates. We have a bathroom in our office. So does everyone else, but that doesn't make it less weird. Our office is in part of a psychiatric hospital, so our offices were originally intended to be patient rooms. The other day I was barred from using our bathroom by my coworker for unknown reasons. It was a girl thing of some sort, I figure, because there were other girls in the room with her and they were obviously "in" on the passing events. I, alas, was not. There was laughter among them.
There is a man who wanders around the hospital downstairs and talks to people who walk by the reception area. He is one of the patients at the hospital. I hear he has become somewhat "affectionate" towards some of the young ladies lately. He also wanted to take my photomosaic of Jedi Master Yoda this morning. (He didn't. It's now hanging in my office.) Other than these incidents, he seems like a decent guy.
Tomorrow I will work a 12 hour shift. The only upsides to this are that we are having another potluck lunch (another retirement lunch--the one last week was for a woman who left working to become a stay-home mom), and that I only have to work 5 hours (possibly less) on Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out policies and protocols. Still haven't received anything formal. Not even a code of conduct. Not entirely true: I can't use alcohol while on the clock because HRS is abstinence-based. That's all I know, other than no jeans or open-toed shoes. In a few months I might start pressing my luck. (With attire, not alcohol.) We'll see.
Had a TB test yesterday. The nurse (a dude) didn't give me a bandaid and I ended up bleeding on my white dress shirt. I got it out, but was a little miffed. He's otherwise a nice guy. I'm supposed to get Hep B vaccines too, but not until I'm an official employee. That is also when the random drug screenings begin.
The goat started yesterday. You won't even notice it for another two weeks.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
What the world needs now is another folk singer...
...like I need a hole in my head.
Thanks to all for commenting on the last post. Mayhap I should write for fashion advice more often. In fact, I will. I'm considering growing a gotee, sans moustache. I had one several months ago for a few months, and liked it reasonably well. To anyone who saw me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? To anyone who didn't see me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? I grow a nice ruddy brown beard. Female readers: please be advised that I am aware that there is a general consensus among you that facial hair in any context is undesirable. That said, all con opinions from you will be read with 75% weight, and all pro responses will be read with 125% weight, approx.
In other news, today has been a day of strange feelings. Sometimes the world feels too big, the evil too undefinable, the saturation too encompassing. Not overwhelming, just permeating. An underlying sense of something. I guess I know what it is. It's nice to fight for good, but can any ground actually be won? Is "peace" attainable? I am tired today.
PS: Spiral mac & cheese is the best.
Thanks to all for commenting on the last post. Mayhap I should write for fashion advice more often. In fact, I will. I'm considering growing a gotee, sans moustache. I had one several months ago for a few months, and liked it reasonably well. To anyone who saw me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? To anyone who didn't see me during that time, any thoughts or opinions? I grow a nice ruddy brown beard. Female readers: please be advised that I am aware that there is a general consensus among you that facial hair in any context is undesirable. That said, all con opinions from you will be read with 75% weight, and all pro responses will be read with 125% weight, approx.
In other news, today has been a day of strange feelings. Sometimes the world feels too big, the evil too undefinable, the saturation too encompassing. Not overwhelming, just permeating. An underlying sense of something. I guess I know what it is. It's nice to fight for good, but can any ground actually be won? Is "peace" attainable? I am tired today.
PS: Spiral mac & cheese is the best.
Friday, February 18, 2005
10 Feet Tall
I'm not sure that I've ever felt that feeling before yesterday afternoon. Probably--my memory is horrible. Regardless, I went to an interview at 2pm yesterday and walked out with a job! And a decent job too. When I was thinking of leaving my old job, there were only two jobs in the social services field that I was still interested in doing: desk work or "prevention." And I wasn't even sure that "prevention" existed, but it seemed like the kind of thing that would exist in the sw world. (sw=social work; SW=Star Wars)
Turns out that it does exist, and that I will be doing it for our local drug/alcohol treatment organization. I'll be in charge of running two programs: one in-school program that teaches 4th/5th graders about how to make good choices and not abuse substances, and one with families, teaching them principles of good communication.
I start on Monday. Can anyone give me a solid definition of what "business casual" actually means, in practical terms?
Oddly enough, I just got a call a few minutes ago from the last place I interviewed (the one I was going to turn down regardless), and they wanted me to come in later today to meet the rest of the team. That makes me feel good, because I was starting to think the interview didn't go as well as I had thought after all. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to turn down a job because I already have a job! (And a certain satisfaction in knowing that the two jobs pay the same and have similar benefits, but one will be enjoyable for me and the other might have broken me in half over the long term.)
If you haven't already, check out the previous post/comments about money. That's where all the hot action is. Speak thy mind in full flagrance. And we shalt respect thee more for it.
Turns out that it does exist, and that I will be doing it for our local drug/alcohol treatment organization. I'll be in charge of running two programs: one in-school program that teaches 4th/5th graders about how to make good choices and not abuse substances, and one with families, teaching them principles of good communication.
I start on Monday. Can anyone give me a solid definition of what "business casual" actually means, in practical terms?
Oddly enough, I just got a call a few minutes ago from the last place I interviewed (the one I was going to turn down regardless), and they wanted me to come in later today to meet the rest of the team. That makes me feel good, because I was starting to think the interview didn't go as well as I had thought after all. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to turn down a job because I already have a job! (And a certain satisfaction in knowing that the two jobs pay the same and have similar benefits, but one will be enjoyable for me and the other might have broken me in half over the long term.)
If you haven't already, check out the previous post/comments about money. That's where all the hot action is. Speak thy mind in full flagrance. And we shalt respect thee more for it.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
forget government--what about One World Companies?
Wow. I was perusing the responsibleshopper.com site, just to see what all was on there and to find out for myself how balaced and fair their reporting seemed. I checked out the "compare companies" feature, which is really cool, and checked out the first thing on their list: alcohol producers. Four companies came up. Three of them had very neutral/good reports. Then there was Phillip Morris (rather, Altria, formerly called P.M.). I didn't take the time to read through the list of complaints against the company (the complaints are usually made by consumers and consumer groups) because I was flabberghasted by the incredible number of product brands and companies that P.M./Altria owns. Astounding. There were at least 50 companies. Tons of products. Kraft, Nabisco, Post, Miller, just to name a few recognizable ones.
I forget that giants like this exist. No wonder they can afford to pay for those anti-smoking ads: they make half the crap we buy! Disney had a really bad rep too: I was comparing restaurants earlier. Maybe I'll check out Proctor & Gamble tomorrow.
You should check out the site, if you haven't already. Not that it's the best thing ever, but it is more knowledge than I've had in awhile concerning the behind-the-scenes of the products we buy. And it mentions good things ("praises") about companies too, when they deserve them. For example, Taco Bell is taking initiatives to raise the wage of tomato harvesters in Florida quite substantially. And KFC is coming around to putting pressure on its chicken producers to stop cruelly abusing the animals (after consumer and PETA pressure on KFC). And it reports charitable giving too.
I forget that giants like this exist. No wonder they can afford to pay for those anti-smoking ads: they make half the crap we buy! Disney had a really bad rep too: I was comparing restaurants earlier. Maybe I'll check out Proctor & Gamble tomorrow.
You should check out the site, if you haven't already. Not that it's the best thing ever, but it is more knowledge than I've had in awhile concerning the behind-the-scenes of the products we buy. And it mentions good things ("praises") about companies too, when they deserve them. For example, Taco Bell is taking initiatives to raise the wage of tomato harvesters in Florida quite substantially. And KFC is coming around to putting pressure on its chicken producers to stop cruelly abusing the animals (after consumer and PETA pressure on KFC). And it reports charitable giving too.
Rearranging the Furniture
Here's a new look. I wasn't tired tonight. I rarely am, yet I sleep until 10am regardless. (Last night I slept for 12 hours, and through my alarm.) The scribey-paper gif is gone forever. But it was coming to that anyway. I like these royalish deep colors.
What is your favorite Bible verse, if you have one? If not, what is your favorite proverb or wise saying? I'll post mine sometime soon.
What is your favorite Bible verse, if you have one? If not, what is your favorite proverb or wise saying? I'll post mine sometime soon.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
The show went very well
Yes, it did. My inclination is to always dissect what could have been better about shows, much the same as I do when I cook homemade meals. But this time, because the show was genuinely good, I'm going to intentionally not criticize for the sake of criticism. Oh, to be an optimist.
All in all, the sound and feel of the show were very good. We played well, sounded good, and looked good on stage. Meaning: we looked comfortable and familiar with each other (although we are H-O-T-T as well). [ahem!] I was excited to see so many people there, many of whom were not necessarily there to see us specifically. It's always more impressive to impress someone who is unfamiliar with what you do than those who are more familiar with what you do. But wouldn't we all be hollow without those folks that support us because they know us and appreciate us and what we do? Everyone needs fans.
I was also encouraged because the show has motivated the band (myself included) to really push hard to keep working. We've been slowly but steadily working, and it was good to have a taste of reward for our work. I feel very blessed and thankful to get to play with hard-working, dedicated, and enthusiastic guys who appreciate what these songs are trying to do. (Cheers, fellas, should you read this.)
PS: please check out the previous post about money. I'd really like your thoughts and dialogue on the issue.
All in all, the sound and feel of the show were very good. We played well, sounded good, and looked good on stage. Meaning: we looked comfortable and familiar with each other (although we are H-O-T-T as well). [ahem!] I was excited to see so many people there, many of whom were not necessarily there to see us specifically. It's always more impressive to impress someone who is unfamiliar with what you do than those who are more familiar with what you do. But wouldn't we all be hollow without those folks that support us because they know us and appreciate us and what we do? Everyone needs fans.
I was also encouraged because the show has motivated the band (myself included) to really push hard to keep working. We've been slowly but steadily working, and it was good to have a taste of reward for our work. I feel very blessed and thankful to get to play with hard-working, dedicated, and enthusiastic guys who appreciate what these songs are trying to do. (Cheers, fellas, should you read this.)
PS: please check out the previous post about money. I'd really like your thoughts and dialogue on the issue.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
It Makes the World Go 'Round
As middle-class Americans, our most powerful message is not with any words spoken or written, but with where we spend our money. We are the richest people in the history of ever--yes we middle class--and if we got it into our heads to do so, I believe we could change the world just by being intentional in how and where we spend our money. How do you think that might work? Do you know any facts or evidence that prove any of this to be true?
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Ooooooh Procrastination!
I am supposed to be editing my resume. Again. Instead I am wandering around on your weblogs, faithful readers, disappointed by the lack of new posts. What are you trying to do, force my hand? Ok, ok, I know what's good for me. I'll get to work on it right away.
Nerd Update: I bought two sets of RPG dice and a D&D Player's Handbook (3.0) this past week. Good lord, someone stop me. As an aside, if anyone wants to play with us, I will soon have an extra set of cool dice you can borrow... {: \
Nerd Update: I bought two sets of RPG dice and a D&D Player's Handbook (3.0) this past week. Good lord, someone stop me. As an aside, if anyone wants to play with us, I will soon have an extra set of cool dice you can borrow... {: \
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Ghostrunner Come Home
Ghostrunner Come Home has a small debut show this Thursday (2/10) at 9:30pm in the Front Room. We are playing as part of a showcase of local musicians. Come check it out. And also check out the band's weblog.
<----There's a link over there.
<----There's a link over there.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
My nerdiest day to date
Today, I got up late. Then, I went to the bank, which was closing, but I managed to go through the teller window and ask for some coin rolls. Then, I walked to the Red Lantern comic shop and bought a pack of pirate ships. (You and I should play sometime. It's easy and fun.) Then, I went home and counted my accumulated change. I had $64.50 in change. (rolls: 3xquarters; 1xdimes; 9xnickels; manyxpennies) Then, I called Red Lantern and asked how he would feel about my making a purchase with coin rolls. (He was fine with it.) Then, I went to Red Lantern and bought 5 boxes of SW minis with my change and a 15% coupon that I had received in the mail earlier this week. Then, I went to Subway. Then, I went to Tyler's house and played D&D with some other nerds for several hours. Then, I came home and let the dogs out. Then, I made crepes for dinner with Sarah. (It gets progressively less nerdy.) Then, we watched The Birds. Then, I got on this computer machine and typed this and some other things. Now, I am going to bed.
Man, I can't wait until 11 months from now when I have another huge collection of change. And maybe even a job.
Man, I can't wait until 11 months from now when I have another huge collection of change. And maybe even a job.
Friday, February 04, 2005
The Interview
I was almost late. I got caught up playing guitar. I thought I was leaving myself enough time to change clothes and get there...until I remembered that I wanted to review the resume and cover letter I sent them, just to be sure I told them the same story (I have several tweaks of my resume) as they'd read. So I fired up the computer while I threw a tie in the dryer--I don't wear ties often enough, it seems, because they are all wadded in a squished pile on my closet shelf. As I went to the mirror to tie the now-less-wrinkly tie, I noticed that I had also forgotten to shave. This is the peril of being a person who only shaves once a week, which is the peril of being a person who only had to shave once a week until about 2 years ago, when body hair finally caught up to me. More or less. I still only have one chest hair for every year I've been alive.
Anyway, I dry-shaved. Don't try this at home. Don't try it anywhere, in fact. The only good part was that I didn't bleed as much as I usually do. But good-gravy-in-a-gallon-tourine did my face burn (and still does) even with aftershave.
Made it to the interview on time, had to fill out paperwork anyway, and I think all in all it went well. I met with the woman who would be my supervisor and also with her supervisor. I answered all the questions thoroughly and appropriately, I feel. I could have been more knowledgeable on terms and the like, but I have no experience in the "real" social work field, so that is to be expected.
On my way out of the office I stopped to get a drink from a fountain. I wondered if it worked, because it looked very dry, as if it hasn't been used for a long time. Have you ever been to Epcot, or that hotel in Vegas, where they have those fountains that shoot bolts of water in fancy arcs? Well, that's exactly what this sucker did. About two feet into the air, and straight over the whole get up onto the floor. It was a good time, because they had let me see myself out.
Perhaps the best part of the whole interview process today is that it helped me to decide, without much lingering doubt, that I have no interest at all in pursuing a career in social work. None. It wasn't anything that they said directly, and it certainly isn't working with the people using the services. It was the language with which they described their own jobs and my future responsibilities. Talk of "billable hours", "ISP's", and how much of a pain in the petoot it is to meet "quotas" and the like. Not for me, muchacho.
I should have been wiser in my degree selection. C'est la vie. Anyone know of anywhere I could buy a used business or medical degree? It can be a fixer-upper, I have the time.
Anyway, I dry-shaved. Don't try this at home. Don't try it anywhere, in fact. The only good part was that I didn't bleed as much as I usually do. But good-gravy-in-a-gallon-tourine did my face burn (and still does) even with aftershave.
Made it to the interview on time, had to fill out paperwork anyway, and I think all in all it went well. I met with the woman who would be my supervisor and also with her supervisor. I answered all the questions thoroughly and appropriately, I feel. I could have been more knowledgeable on terms and the like, but I have no experience in the "real" social work field, so that is to be expected.
On my way out of the office I stopped to get a drink from a fountain. I wondered if it worked, because it looked very dry, as if it hasn't been used for a long time. Have you ever been to Epcot, or that hotel in Vegas, where they have those fountains that shoot bolts of water in fancy arcs? Well, that's exactly what this sucker did. About two feet into the air, and straight over the whole get up onto the floor. It was a good time, because they had let me see myself out.
Perhaps the best part of the whole interview process today is that it helped me to decide, without much lingering doubt, that I have no interest at all in pursuing a career in social work. None. It wasn't anything that they said directly, and it certainly isn't working with the people using the services. It was the language with which they described their own jobs and my future responsibilities. Talk of "billable hours", "ISP's", and how much of a pain in the petoot it is to meet "quotas" and the like. Not for me, muchacho.
I should have been wiser in my degree selection. C'est la vie. Anyone know of anywhere I could buy a used business or medical degree? It can be a fixer-upper, I have the time.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Also...
...I have a job interview this Friday. I'm not sure if I want the job, since it's one of very few jobs that could tax me more than my last one did (emotionally, not financially). But, those things can be explored and ironed out in the interview. And I am encouraged just to know that someone read my resume and responded!
Revelation: criticize my fears
I had a moment today. It was one of those momentous moments, the kind that feels like it should have happened ages ago, but is only happening now. I recognized today, for the first time, that much of what I do--or more specifically, what I don't do--is based on a fear of not meeting the (assumed) expectations of others.
I woke up today feeling really crappy. There haven't been new job ads in the paper the past few days, which means I have little to prepare for during the day. Also, I overslept this morning because my alarm clock malfunctioned. All this led to a morning in which I almost didn't get out of bed--no reason to. I was supposed to help a friend remodel his home today too, as he has been working on it all week, but I felt like I didn't have anything to contribute to the effort because he already had several more qualified people helping him.
Other things I "should" have been doing: working on songs so the band actually has some material to play; editing and turning in resumes at spots around town that haven't posted openings; cleaning fish tanks; cleaning up the house. There's probably more.
This morning was one of those rare moments when I was able to see clearly and also be honest with myself. I generally don't work on songs because I am afraid that the other band members, or people at large, won't like them or won't understand what I was trying to do. I don't want to help my friend work on his house because I have no technical skill at remodeling, and I might mess something up or slow someone down. I don't want to turn in resumes because the recipients might not be very impressed with me, and they might think me a nuisance for dropping off resumes uninvited. I don't clean my house because...well because I don't want to, and because I'm content to live in it as is. Besides, we aren't having any parties, so the place doesn't have to look respectable! :)
I am afraid that people will not accept or understand me, or that I might not make their grade. I cannot predict what a person thinks of me or of my work, and those things should not prevent me from being and doing anyway. This is common among people, I recognize, and I'm sure this doesn't sound as revolutionary to you as it did to me this morning.
This is all something that I have known for a long time...but for some reason it didn't really soak in until today. Knowledge isn't always power.
But today, I finished writing a song because I liked the song. Critics be damned. I know what I'm doing and what I want to do when I write. And that should be enough. Tomorrow I will try to practice this new freedom again.
I woke up today feeling really crappy. There haven't been new job ads in the paper the past few days, which means I have little to prepare for during the day. Also, I overslept this morning because my alarm clock malfunctioned. All this led to a morning in which I almost didn't get out of bed--no reason to. I was supposed to help a friend remodel his home today too, as he has been working on it all week, but I felt like I didn't have anything to contribute to the effort because he already had several more qualified people helping him.
Other things I "should" have been doing: working on songs so the band actually has some material to play; editing and turning in resumes at spots around town that haven't posted openings; cleaning fish tanks; cleaning up the house. There's probably more.
This morning was one of those rare moments when I was able to see clearly and also be honest with myself. I generally don't work on songs because I am afraid that the other band members, or people at large, won't like them or won't understand what I was trying to do. I don't want to help my friend work on his house because I have no technical skill at remodeling, and I might mess something up or slow someone down. I don't want to turn in resumes because the recipients might not be very impressed with me, and they might think me a nuisance for dropping off resumes uninvited. I don't clean my house because...well because I don't want to, and because I'm content to live in it as is. Besides, we aren't having any parties, so the place doesn't have to look respectable! :)
I am afraid that people will not accept or understand me, or that I might not make their grade. I cannot predict what a person thinks of me or of my work, and those things should not prevent me from being and doing anyway. This is common among people, I recognize, and I'm sure this doesn't sound as revolutionary to you as it did to me this morning.
This is all something that I have known for a long time...but for some reason it didn't really soak in until today. Knowledge isn't always power.
But today, I finished writing a song because I liked the song. Critics be damned. I know what I'm doing and what I want to do when I write. And that should be enough. Tomorrow I will try to practice this new freedom again.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Annual Salary, Jesus Cartoons, and Concerns
So, this guy made almost twice my yearly salary in a brilliant 30 days. Don't think I'm not considering this as a career option at this point...
Also, here are some cartoons starring Jesus if he walked beside each and every one of us in the flesh. Some are hilarious, some less so. Enjoy.
Finally, I am concerned that no one posted about their RPG experiences. Nerds? Are you out there? I realized that I should have put a smiley or something after the "mildly judgemental" bit, because that was supposed to be a a joke. See, because people are judgemental towards nerds and RPG's anyway. So, it was funny because I was allowing it. As if I has some choice in the matter. See. Hmmmm. And anyway, I've changed my mind. You can be blatantly, flagrantly, even provocatively judgemental in your commentting on RPG's, should you choose. Bring it on! (And,nerds: still unite.)
Also, here are some cartoons starring Jesus if he walked beside each and every one of us in the flesh. Some are hilarious, some less so. Enjoy.
Finally, I am concerned that no one posted about their RPG experiences. Nerds? Are you out there? I realized that I should have put a smiley or something after the "mildly judgemental" bit, because that was supposed to be a a joke. See, because people are judgemental towards nerds and RPG's anyway. So, it was funny because I was allowing it. As if I has some choice in the matter. See. Hmmmm. And anyway, I've changed my mind. You can be blatantly, flagrantly, even provocatively judgemental in your commentting on RPG's, should you choose. Bring it on! (And,nerds: still unite.)
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Dungeons and Dragons
I played for the first time last night. With Kevin, with some music nerds at some dude's apartment. It was fun. I don't think I ever would have liked it, were it not for my recent readings of LotR and playing of BG2. Pretty much, the whole thing started with Tolkien and grew from there, the way I see it. And they seem to have simplified the game system some too, from what I understand. I'm playing a half-elven cleric. I kicked some tail(s). Kevin plays a half-elven druid--my twin brother. He kicked less tail(s), because he wasn't allowed to bring his wolf into the pit fights. Next time, dear readers. Next time.
All this reminded me of how fun it was to play Star Wars RPG in high school. Being a less-than-outgoing person, RPG's provide that small, intimate gathering that allows me (and others like me) to thrive. I would like to play SW RPG again, because it is more fun than D&D. It is a better world to play in, a mon avis, and it is a better gaming system (although the new D&D system seems pretty simple). Or maybe it is nostalgia. Or maybe it's just cool to have so many cool-looking dice, regardless of what game you play.
Tell me about your RPG stories! Good ones and bad ones! Tell me about the people you played with, and what made it fun...or not fun. If you've never played, what are your thoughts on all this? You can be mildly judgemental. I give you that permission. Fire at will, commander! (Nerds, unite!)
All this reminded me of how fun it was to play Star Wars RPG in high school. Being a less-than-outgoing person, RPG's provide that small, intimate gathering that allows me (and others like me) to thrive. I would like to play SW RPG again, because it is more fun than D&D. It is a better world to play in, a mon avis, and it is a better gaming system (although the new D&D system seems pretty simple). Or maybe it is nostalgia. Or maybe it's just cool to have so many cool-looking dice, regardless of what game you play.
Tell me about your RPG stories! Good ones and bad ones! Tell me about the people you played with, and what made it fun...or not fun. If you've never played, what are your thoughts on all this? You can be mildly judgemental. I give you that permission. Fire at will, commander! (Nerds, unite!)
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Ben, you've opened the box. In a good way.
Capitalism is bad, absolutely. I do believe there are better, more moral fiscal systems. But all -isms are faulty. Because humans, yes, are fallible. This is why the modern mantras of relative truth and individual experience are bogus. There must be something greater than ourselves guiding us, because it doesn't pan out if we all say we're right. This is why the US is "Great White Devil." Not in the Caucasian sense, but in the white-washed, holier-than-thou, neon-light-look-to-our-example-of-shining-equality sense. As a national culture, we are a beacon to the world, overtly suggesting that they can have whatever they want whenever they want it, and that it's all okay. Sometimes I think that if DC is our national brain, then Las Vegas is our national heart. Or Los Angeles. (Not to suggest these cities are "evil" in any sense, more to say that they have distinct cultures and represent specific drives and desires.)
I do wonder if the US (democracy/capitalism/relativism) is the next step in the evolution of human culture (the way our patriotic nationalism claims), inasmuch as we have finally found a way for most people to have most things--most people can "pursue happiness" to whatever end they can attain. The general moral and material reasoning is that as long as it is okay for EVERYONE to enjoy certain privileges, then it is okay for ME to have those privileges as well. We stop asking if it is healthy or beneficial for us--as humans or as a culture--to have certain privileges at all.
I think you're right, Ben: capitalism, culture, and lack of self-discipline are to blame. And individual human beings have been and are at the helm of each of those entities. In short, at our core we (read: collective humanity) don't want self-discipline, and that leaks into everything else we do. I think that capitalism, and even democracy, are very authentic depictions of the human soul. We want to care about everyone, we sometimes try very hard to care about everyone, but we really only care about ourselves.
This is why TRUE Jewish and Christian teachings are so revolutionary: the denial of self as the ultimate fulfillment of self. How impossible! How audacious! How odd that it is also completely unattainable without higher help...a complete denial of self? The antithesis to who we are as humans.
I do wonder if the US (democracy/capitalism/relativism) is the next step in the evolution of human culture (the way our patriotic nationalism claims), inasmuch as we have finally found a way for most people to have most things--most people can "pursue happiness" to whatever end they can attain. The general moral and material reasoning is that as long as it is okay for EVERYONE to enjoy certain privileges, then it is okay for ME to have those privileges as well. We stop asking if it is healthy or beneficial for us--as humans or as a culture--to have certain privileges at all.
I think you're right, Ben: capitalism, culture, and lack of self-discipline are to blame. And individual human beings have been and are at the helm of each of those entities. In short, at our core we (read: collective humanity) don't want self-discipline, and that leaks into everything else we do. I think that capitalism, and even democracy, are very authentic depictions of the human soul. We want to care about everyone, we sometimes try very hard to care about everyone, but we really only care about ourselves.
This is why TRUE Jewish and Christian teachings are so revolutionary: the denial of self as the ultimate fulfillment of self. How impossible! How audacious! How odd that it is also completely unattainable without higher help...a complete denial of self? The antithesis to who we are as humans.
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