Now, for any of you reading this who have a good bit of hair loss, I'm not here to complain or compare or even mourn the loss of the line. I recognize my loss at this point isn't even that bad. So please don't get sassy. For some people this is a sensitive subject, and I understand a measure of that. My point is really just: it's happening, and it's undeniable. In some ways, I like it. Not nearly as much as I would have liked to be prematurely gray or to have a "skunk spot", but I can hardly control that. If there's something that I complain about (and Sarah can vouch that I do complain about this) it's that it itches, which reminds me that it's receding, which makes me talk about it. (Verbal processing for the win!) And maybe I'm just not very observant, but it seems like most of this has happened within the last 6 months. Maybe an inch of loss at each corner? Granted, I've always had a rather tall forehead (as my kindergarten picture will affirm), it's just getting a smidge taller. And the longish hair makes it less obvious as well.
And all of this is just to say that I am undeniably entering into a new phase of life. The middle phase. Most of my friends my age have babies. My lack of career direction is a larger issue than it ever has been, largely because of this sense that time marches on...and maybe I'm flagging just a little. But I do like living life, being here, getting older, experiencing new things. Expecting. I'm looking forward to being an old man, and this is certainly a milestone on that long road.
I find my natural responses bumping shoulders sometimes. The one side that denies time and revels in youthfulness and impulsiveness. The other side that seeks the wisdom, maturity, and authority of adulthood. Consider this a chart of how a male might see himself over the years:
Baby -> Boy -> Kid -> Guy -> Man (-> Old Man?)
It's not good to linger longer than you should in one stage, much like it isn't healthy to skip a step. (And if you did skip a step, you should recognize it and allow yourself to be and do that step retroactively for awhile.) For me it is time to slowly move further from "Guy" to "Man." Which is odd for me to consider. And I still wish my hairline would stop itching.
1 comment:
Interesting, as I am going to write a similar post. I understand this battle and won't deny it or try to "one up" you. (Don't you just "love" it when you share a vulnerability and people say, "Well... you turn 30... just wait until you turn 40!" -- Which is true for me in June.)
Turning 30 was easy for me (it was the year I came to Central). Turning 29, 35 and 39 was harder. I can only guess what happens at 40.
I have less hair, and more wisdom. I'll take that trade. I have less options, but that doesn't bother me as much. I have so much to write about this... but I think I won't right now. But I love you and think you are a great guy.
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