Forest for the Trees

I have no idea how to put my feelings about Christianity into a concise form. I have enough stuff in my head to fill a book, but I have no idea how to do that. I also have little confidence that anyone would be interested in hearing my thoughts on the matter, as most of the people I'd want to reach seem content with their faith as is.

I'm hoping that if I start writing about it here, it'll start to take shape in my head. It would be nice to even be able to talk about this stuff in a clear way, rather than having so many issues thunder to the front at once.

The main issue is that, for me, Christians are the primary reason that I am inclined at times to believe there is no God at all. I should specify that I'm talking about American Christianity, as it is the only culture I'm familiar enough with. When I look at Christianity, I see explainable psychological and social influences, the emotional and cognitive manipulations that are common to man. I see the wealthy and the eye of the needle. I see complacency and status quo.

But who am I anyway? Well, I'm one of those Christians too, to be certain. So what gives me the right to say anything? And who's to say I'm right? Maybe this is just me complaining about things again. Maybe this is all an elaborate attention-getting exercise.

Or maybe the Bible is about revolutionary love. And maybe it means something more to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow the Anointed One than what we--as entitled, rich Americans--are willing to accept.

It is my intent to air these thoughts and in so doing to file off some of these rough edges. I would say that I love God, that I love Jesus, that I love the Church. And so I am left carrying a raging pain and sadness that we--as God's wealthy children--are squandering our inheritance on iPads, new cars, and big houses; on rockin' worship music, slick media presentations, and other forms of branding. In the name of relevance, of drawing people in, of acceptance.

Because the Gospel as it is can't do that, not true love alone. Not believers denying themselves. Taking up their crosses. And following Jesus in a life of love so radical that it killed him.

I'm not here to judge, not really, though I'm sure I'll do a fair share of it. I'm here in hope to reconcile the faith that I read about in the Bible and the faith that I see in myself and my fellow Christians.