Thursday, April 26, 2007

My ability to tolerate this place is reaching critical mass. Every time my boss talks, I lose more and more will to keep a positive attitude or do good work. I do not want to lose, I don't want to sin. I feel so torn because I want to hate this place, I want to flee...but I am wondering where is my fruit? I am a child of the God of the living, and my will and joy here is dying. I don't want redemption for this place, I want destruction. I want to call people idiots, and to feel like I am superior to them. But I'm not any better, just more competent. And even then, not much more so at all... I am tired and sad and hurting. What is the "right" thing to do?

Time continues to pass.

2 comments:

paul said...

I'm sorry Patrick. Job frustration is hard. I would recommend that you try to segment your life as much as you can right now. Remember that your job is only a part of your life. I respect your desire to (at least try) to have a Kingdom perspective on this.

Let's set a time to talk Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Hi Patrick - sounds like this job is hurting you more the longer you stay. I don't think leaving a place like that counts as losing! Best wishes at finding a new path where you can recover and thrive.